Cara Delevingne And Derek Zoolander Had A 3-Hour Relationship – And it Was Eventful

It was fun while it lasted

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Meet Der-vingne.

That’s right, Derek Zoolander, the self-anointed ‘#1 MALE MODEL IN THE WORLD’ and Cara Delevingne, the world’s most successful, most reluctant model, are a couple. Or at least they were for three hours over the weekend.

They began live-gramming their short-lived dalliance on Saturday, but it was over in nine eventful pictures. RIP Der-vingne, it was fun while it lasted...

It all started well, with the two partaking in a ‘walk off’ in front of the Eiffel Tower

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It's a #WalkOff @caradelevingne

A video posted by Derek Zoolander (@zoolander) on

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They then made their union official with the creation of their very own portmanteau

Then they discovered the art of conversation, and Derek pondered whether or not to pop the question

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Then came the next step; parenthood

Then things got a bit steamy

Cara’s Blue Steel sealed the deal and Derek decided to get down on one knee

But it didn’t go quite to plan

And then it was over, as quickly as it began

Guys. Over the course of my 3 hour relationship with Cara Delevingne i learned a lot about myself. I learned a relationship is like a beautiful bird. If there is love, it can take flight. But if the bird is caged, it begins to feel trapped, like as if it was in a cage. but then if someone is calling that bird “more washed up than a russians blue jeans” or “dumber than brie”, then the bird gets it’s feelings super hurt. But then if the bird tries to get one last french kiss goodbye, and the girl punches him right in the beak and then hits the bird with his selfie stick (which you can pay me for ANYTIME), then thats lame to do to the bird. THEN! THEN! She gets the bird in a half nelson and threatens to get a restraining odor, that’s super lame. Then she nearly broke the birds ARM! Which REALLY-REALLY HURT CARA!!!! Like you could have broken the birds WING! Anyway… I WILL triumph in all of this. Our relationship ended as it began. With all love, respect and now a deep mistrust for cara delvigne. Whoever that is. Call me when you get a modeling career. I could have HELPED YOU. You were too old for me anyways. Now I know everyone has my back, and the last thing I want is a flame war on my insta. I dont need the negativity. Like I said, it’s all love. But if you wanted to go hate on HER insta and leave comments on what a HUGE mistake she just made, and tell her I’m totally happy and never think about her all the time and am probably out boning liek a million models already here in Paris. Please feel free to do that. #Namaste. Switching my Raya location to #ROME tomorrow. See you soon @penelopecruzoficial 😘.

A photo posted by Derek Zoolander (@zoolander) on

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