Garance Doré explains it all

• Oh wow, you’re absolutely glowing! Who is it? = How could this be?! Your dermatologist is better than mine?!

• Oh wow, you look so… Healthy! = Is that a muffin top that’s about to pop out of your jeans?

• Oh wow, you got a new haircut! It’s really quite… Editorial! = You serious? What the hell is that on top of your head?

• This sweater? Oh, I borrowed it from my daughter. = And that’s how skinny I am.

And from an earlier post decoding fashion week exchanges:

• Due to space restrictions for the runway show, we will unfortunately not be able to accomodate your invitation request = Who are you and who is the idiot that gave you my e-mail address?

• You coming tonight? = … to the super private party everyone’s talking about. You know full well what party I’m talking about. I doubt you’re invited.

• Ah? You ARE coming? = They invited YOU?!

• Excuse me, what is number on your invitation? Get out of my front row seat, bitch.

But back to the beauty. Whilst most of her fashion-language phrases are ultra-vague, she includes two specific digs:

• If I were an elegant lady in my early 80?s living, say, in Dallas, this would be the best blow-out ever = My name is Lauren Santo Domingo and I know exactly how to talk to my hairdresser. And I share it with my followers!

• I’ve had the same haircut for 55 years now, and I don’t think I’ll be changing anytime soon. = I’m so important, I’m like my own brand. And I’m my own logo. No no no, shhhh. Relax