As much as you might deny it, there is a little Basic Bitch in all of us.
You might scream from every rooftop-parking-lot bar that you are an organic, dairy-free, wheat-free, vegan snore hipster, but we all know you use the dog filter on Snapchat and have screenshot at least three instas from The Fat Jewish. Welcome to the fold, hun.
But we are leaving the original Basic Bitch behind because, let's face it, she needs a bit of a nip and tuck after all that three for £10 wine. So we introduce to you Basic Bitch 2.0 – less Blossom Hill and more Oyster Bay.
Swap Adidas Stan Smith For Adidas Gazelle
For the past three years Adidas Stan Smiths have dominated the trainer market, from every editor to every budding fashionista you were nothing without a green-backed white trainer. Well the Stan is no more the hottest Adidas around; the cooler, sleeker, less try-hard younger sibling, the Gazelle, has surpassed it. Suede with a neoprene tongue these are already hitting the street style circuit hard. Come September we predict a total sell out.
Swap Bomber Jacket For Denim Jacket
Remember when you were dying to get your hands on that green MA1 bomber jacket? Well, toss it. It's done. Rummage way back into your closet until you find that crumpled denim jacket from years gone. The one that might have an Eau De Must, and makes you hark back to the double-denim Justin and Britney days. Thanks to Alexander Wang, Balenciaga, Chanel and Miu Miu, denim ain't just for your legs. Patches, badges, embroidery and 90s swag encouraged.
Swap Skinny Jean For Cropped Flare
Continuing the denim theme, we are having a change in shape. Skinny jeans are so 2k11, hun. After all those gluten-free brownies you're going to need a bit more wriggle room. Swap them in for an ankle-grazing cropped flare. 70s siren here you come. See Frame Denim for the best ones knocking around.
The Erogenous Zone
Swap Ripped Jeans For Cold Shoulder
Whilst the ripped jean was rife last year we noticed a couple of hazards: knees are pretty ugly, they require precise shaving, it's actually trickier than you ever imagined to DIY rip your own jeans and we're tired of sticking our foot in the man-made hole when you're pulling them. What a bore. Enter the cold shoulder – flattering to all body types, requires no shaving and if you haven't noticed they are EVERYWHERE. Much easier to show off your tan too, win.
Swap Shopper Bag For Backpack
Since Rachel Zoe got her hands on her little Zoebots the world has been shopper mad. There is no denying they're usefulness for throwing totally unnecessary items into your bag: 7 lipsticks, 8 store cards, 4 different types of paracetamol and 3 notebooks you have never written in. BUT your single shoulder must be crying out for a release by now. And it couldn't have come at better time because RIP the shopper, the new bag on the shelves right now is the humble backpack. Not of Quicksilver or Billabong fame but more Herschel, Knomo and (for the big spenders) Burberry. Fill them to your heart's content.
The Holiday Destination
Swap Mykonos For Patmos
Greece is very much still flavour of the month. With an Instagram feed full of the fash pack sunning themselves against a white and blue background, but we have moved on from the soft overly
commercialized seas of Mykonos to chic shores of Patmos. It might sound like an Eastenders extra but rest assured if you're venturing there, you're nailing it.
The Health Drink
Swap Coconut Water For Cactus Water
Basic Bitch 2.0 sees the death of coconut water (FINALLY). May your tetra pak only contain cactus water from here on in. Warning: do not try to organically source - this could lead to
manicures being smudged and skin being pierced. Please, no.
The Fad Food
Swap Avocado For Kimchee
The shortage of avocados in New Zealand led to full on fisty cuffs at dawn, the world has gone completely and utterly mad. Whilst I am a fan of avo and egg surely it's not worth a black eye? Save that energy and your fists of fury and go and find some kimchi. Not a Pokémon as initially imagined, but fermented Korean cabbage. More delicious than it sounds.
Swap Aperol Spritz For Negroni
2015 was the year of the Aperol Spritz - looked like VK Orange in a wine glass, tasted like nectar from the gods. But like Nelly Furtado once said, 'all good things come to an end' so sayonara sprintzy, 2016 is the year of Negroni. Note to self: do not use a tequila chaser, it does not end well.
The Festival Gear
Swap Floral Crowns For Shell Crowns
Basic Bitch 1.0's reigning crown was a feast of extravagant festival flowers, but Basic Bitch 2.0 is upping the game to shells. Yes that's right, shells. Dig up those bags of shells you meticulously collected from that ancient Cornwall holiday and put them to good use. We imagine this head gear is less likely to survive the mosh pit but no basic bitch of any variety should find themselves in such a make-up-smudging, hair-ruining, shell crown-destroying situation. Reign on, queens.