When you live in Britain, you live for the Summer – the chance to drink tins of Pimms in the park, purchase a Fab ice lolly on your lunch break, and sunbathe in the garden in your bra before the inevitable sprint inside at the sound of the doorbell.
For us Brits, Summer is a time to bask in the brief Mediterranean heat that so rarely comes our way.
But, while most of us sit at our desks daydreaming of a day off work to lie in the sun or a holiday to Spain to gorge tapas and tintos de veranos, the reality is we actually hate hot weather.
After five minutes of sunlight, our SPF50-smothered skin turns rouge, a sweaty upper lip becomes an unwanted makeup staple and the thought of public transport has us pushing our alarm back 10 minutes to avoid rush hour.
Basically, we think we like heat but in reality, we're miserable people who survive better in the winter. Winter, we can do. Summer, we try, fail and sweat at.
What we're really bad at is sleeping in the heat. Is there anything worse than lying in a bed drenched with sweat as you fan yourself with a bank statement while sucking on an ice cube?
We think not.
As a result, we've rounded up the 24 stages of a night's sleep in British summertime.*
*Warning: By the time you're reading this it'll probably be freezing and you'll be wrapped up in about 4 layers of knitwear in search of the nearest cup of coffee – British weather, eh?
1. Enjoy and ice-cold shower before climbing into bed
2. Throw sheets off
3. Strip out of pyjamas horizontally – there's no way you're risking getting hotter by standing up
4. Turn off lamp
5. Get up to open window
6. Face-plant back onto bed
7. Hear insect buzzing
8. Frantically dart eyes around room in search of said insect
10. Close eyes
11. Hear buzzing and climb out of bed to open window wider
12. Climb back into bed
13. Can't sleep. Open one eye to scroll through Instagram Stories of old classmates you don't really care about, but enjoy stalking anyway
14. Get up to shower
15. Get back into bed
16. Get up to down a glass of water. Feel sick
17. Climb back into bed
18. Scream at partner when their foot accidentally grazes your calf. No. Skin. Touching.
20. Wake up shivering at 4am and wrap self in sheets
22. Wake up 30 minutes before alarm in a starfish position on bed
23. Lie awake until alarm goes off as you dread the commute to work
24. Bring on winter