When you live in Britain, you live for the summer – the chance to drink tins of Pimms in the park, purchase a Fab ice lolly on your lunch break, sunbathe in the garden in your bra before the inevitable sprint inside at the sound of the doorbell.
For us Brits, summer is a time to bask in the brief Mediterranean heat that so rarely comes our way.
But, while most of us sit at our desks daydreaming of a day off work to lie in the sun or a holiday to Spain to gorge tapas and tintos de veranos, the reality is we actually hate hot weather.
After five minutes of sunlight, our 50SPF-coated skin turns rouge, a sweaty upper lip becomes an unwanted makeup staple and the thought of public transport has us pushing our alarm back 10 minutes to avoid rush hour.
Basically, we think we like heat but in reality, we're miserable people who survive better in the winter. Winter, we can do. Summer, we try, fail and sweat at.
What we're really bad at is sleeping in the heat. Is there anything worse than lying in a bed drenched with sweat as you fan yourself with a bank statement while sucking on an ice cube?
We think not.
As a result, we've rounded up the 24 stages of a night's sleep in British summertime.*
*Warning: By the time you're reading this it'll probably be freezing and you'll be wrapped up in about 4 layers of knitwear in search of the nearest cup of coffee – British weather, ey?
Enjoy and ice-cold shower before climbing into bed
Throw sheets off
Strip out of pyjamas horizontally – there's no way you're risking getting hotter by standing up
Turn off lamp
Get up to open window
Faceplant back onto bed
Hear insect buzzing
Franctically dart eyes around room in search of said insect
Hear buzzing and climb out of bed to open window wider
Climb back into bed
Can't sleep. Open one eye to scroll through Instagram Stories of old classmates you don't really care about, but enjoy stalking anyway
Get up to shower
Get back into bed
Get up to down a glass of water. Feel sick
Climb back into bed
Scream at partner when their foot accidentally grazes your calf. No. Skin. Touching.
Wake up shivering at 4am and wrap self in sheets
Wake up 30 minutes before alarm in a starfish position on bed
Lie awake until alarm goes off as you dread the commute to work
Bring on winter.