Warning: This post contains spoilers for Game of Thrones season 7, episode 7, "The Dragon and the Wolf."
The Game of Thrones season 7 finale gave us almost enough to chew on until the show returns in 2019. (SOB.) Here are the 14 most shocking, important, and satisfying things that happened in "The Dragon and the Wolf."
1. Many, many satisfying reunions took place in King's Landing.
Tyrion, Jorah, Jon, Missandei, The Hound, and Davos meet Bronn, Brienne, and Podrick on the way to the Dragonpit. It's extremely complicated, because these people have all helped and hindered each other along the way.
For example: "I thought you were dead," Brienne says to The Hound. (Remember, she left him a pulp in their last fight.) But then she tells The Hound that Arya is alive. It's pretty nice (*bawls for 10 minutes*) to see these two warrior friends of Arya together again—even if they tried to kill each other that one time.
Then there's Tyrion and Bronn. "It's good to see you again," Tyrion tells his former champion. "Yeah, you too." Typical Bronn, LOL! Then there's Jaime and Brienne, who exchange a meaningful glance—but not before Cersei notices it, with a slight snarl on her face.
But the happy family reunions are the best: The Clegane brothers (though no Cleganebowl just yet), Euron and Theon Greyjoy, Cersei and Tyrion. Is it hot in here, or is that just me?
2. Cersei and Jaime finally meet Daenerys and Jon (and Drogon)
When Daenerys sweeps in on Drogon, Euron looks a little horny, to be honest. Suffice it to say he's starting to think he picked the wrong queen. Dany is late, and Cersei looks like she needs an ExLax. "We've been here for some time," she says, and Daenerys is like, "Soz LOL." Real queens don't arrive on time, Cersei.
3. Cersei sees the wight.
Jon tries to persuade Cersei that they need to fight the Night King's army. Cersei is like, Truces are for losers!!!!!!!!!!!! Tyrion knows they have an ace up their sleeve, though—that noisy little bag of bones they call a wight. And when she sees it, the Lannister queen really is shaken, especially when The Hound slashes it in half and it just keeps on crawling around like a chicken with its head cut off. Now Qyburn is the one who's horny. "This arm," he's thinking as he picks it up. "It's moving all by itself, and I need to go spend about 10 minutes by myself in my bedroom right now."
4. Euron peaces out.
Euron pokes at the wight's cremains. "Can they swim?" he asks. When reassured that they can't, he's like, Okay, this has been fun, but I'm out! "I've seen things you couldn't imagine," he proclaims. "And this is the only thing I've ever seen that terrified me," says Urine Euron. And then, exeunt, like a bad smell.
5. Jon Snow screws everything up with his loyalty.
Weirdly, Cersei shows she has a better nature. "The crown accepts your truce. Until the dead are defeated, they are the true enemy," she says. Who are you, Weird Cersei, and what have you done with our psychopath queen? But Cersei wants Jon Snow to also agree to the truce. He's not allowed to pick sides until the Night King has been eliminated. UH OH. Feels like a Dumbass Jon Snow mome is coming. "I've already pledged myself to Daenerys of House Targaryen," he says. DING-A-LING! There it is. Dany is like, THIS IS THE WORST TIME YOU COULD HAVE BENT THE KNEE, HOT BUT MISGUIDED BASTION OF STUPIDITY.
Later, she's like, WTF, please explain. "I know," Jon says. "My dragon died so we could be here," Dany says. "Have you ever considered learning how to lie?" "The more immediate problem," Tyrion sums up, "is that we're fucked." So he goes into the lion's den—to go talk to Cersei alone.
6. The Lannisters spend some quality time together.
Jaime has been kicked out of his sister's audience room. Now Tyrion wants to have a go. "LOL bye then," says Jaime. "Maybe I shouldn't have saved your life that time, because you are definitely going to die."
As usual, Cersei wants to hit where it hurts. "She's your type of woman," she says to Tyrion of Dany. "A foreign whore who doesn't know her place." Ouch. "Poor little man," says Cersei, in one of the episode's many, very horrible slurs. But when it comes down to it, she won't ask The Mountain to take Tyrion down, even when he basically dares her to order him dead. Is she as dead inside as we think?
And...it seems like she might not be? Gobsmackingly, she's in on this Us Against the White Walkers thing. YOU GUYS, SHE'S IN. OCEAN'S ELEVEN IS GO. Then she says something I literally thought I'd never hear Cersei say: "Perhaps you'll remember I chose to help." What show is this? I'm confused.
7. Jon Snow and Dany also spend some quality time together.
Jon is like, My bad about the not bending the knee to Cersei. Dany wants to scold him but she has scribbled "Daenerys Snow" all over her diary too many times to be too pissed. "You're not like everyone else," says Jon—the Westeros equivalent of "You're not like other girls," I guess. "It appears Tyrion's assessment was correct," Jon says. "We're fucked." Dany's face says, "Wink wink, nudge nudge, there's another meaning to that word, you know!"
8. Littlefinger manipulates Sansa into thinking Arya wants to kill her.
Sansa hears that Jon Snow has bent the knee (Dany sent it out in her TinyLetter) and is like WTF? "Jon Snow is young and unmarried. Daenerys is
young and unmarried," says Littlefinger creepily, while he makes his index fingers smooch. It seems like he's twisting Sansa around his finger like a curl of red hair. He definitely wants to stoke the flames between Sansa and Arya: "Why do you think Arya is at Winterfell?" he asks. Sansa is like, OMG, to kill me. Littlefinger is stoked. It's like he's won Monopoly (which is, to be fair, really hard to do). Nooooooooooo. Sansa, please wake up from this terrible dream.
9. Theon finally does something good for once.
In front of Dany's dragon throne, Theon's having an identity crisis. Greyjoy or Stark? Stark or Greyjoy? Jon's like, Whatever? I've got bigger fish to fry. Don't sweat being the worst guy ever to my family—go save your sister if you want. For once in his pathetic life, Theon confronts the skulking Ironborn, saying they have to go save Yara. They're like, Uh, remember when you ran away those one thousand times? Then he beats one of them to death. Theon is back in the game!!!!
10. Sansa and Arya GIVE IT TO LITTLEFINGER BIG TIME.
Sansa hauls Arya in to a trial. NO SANSA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING????????? Arya looks small surrounded by soldiers. "You are on trial for murder and treason," Sansa intones..."LORD BAELISH." Sweet mother of Ygritte, I'm THROWN. "I'm a bit confused," stutters Snivelfinger. Sansa and Arya basically roll their eyes. Hello? "You murdered our aunt...you conspired to kill Jon Arryn," Sansa reminds him. "You conspired with Cersei Lannister and Joffrey Baratheon to betray our father Ned Stark." Yep, they have pretty comprehensive notes on him.
And then Bran chimes in with his Three-Eyed Raven psychic thing. "You held a knife to his throat," he says. Littlefinger is like, These Starks are crazy. "I'm a slow learner, it's true. But I learn," says Sansa. YES, GO LADY SANSA. "I loved you more than anyone," he cries, like a kitten with a paper cut. "And yet you betrayed me," says Sansa. In swoops Arya with the dagger. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, Bran is Ravening, like, "I'm watching like 5000 channels right now, do you have this under control?"
11. Cersei finally loses Jaime's trust.
Jaime's like, Cool, let's go to the North and fight some wights, everyone! And Cersei's like, LOL what do you mean, we're not actually going. Watching Jaime start to realize his sister is a death wish in human form is rather sad, actually. If anyone is a slow learner, it's him. Jaime protests that he made a promise. "I always knew you were the stupidest Lannister," Cersei responds—not a very nice thing to say to the father of your child and only remaining ally, but sure! I think someone else is the stupid one here, and her name rhymes with "burpee."
12. Bran and Sam FINALLY confirm that R+L = J.
"Samwell Tarly," says Bran, in his warmest welcome to literally anyone yet. (Glad Sansa and Arya aren't here to see this.) "I didn't think you'd remember," says Sam, who is extremely chuffed. "I remember everything," Bran says, annoyingly. "I'm the Three-Eyed Raven." Sam, speaking for literally everyone, says, "I don't know what that means." But since we know they both have pieces of a puzzle we've wanted to put together for AGES, we hope these pleasantries aren't going to last too long. And they don't. Bran wants Sam to go tell Jon he's the bastard son of Rhaegar Targaryen. But Sam looks like he needs to go to the toilet. He knows that Jon might not be a bastard after all, because Gilly discovered that Rhaegar and Lyanna got married. Bran is stunned. "Robert's Rebellion was built on a lie," he says. Gosh, wish those guys would have been a bit more forthcoming with wedding invites!!!!!!!!
13. Jon and Dany finally DO IT.
BLECHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Noooooooooooooooooo. (Yayyyyyy? A little bit? IDK IDK.)
14. Arya and Sansa have their first non-weird sister moment.
Is this scene almost 90 percent fan service? I don't care! I LOVE IT. After doing away with Littlefinger, the sisters finally see eye to eye—or, more significantly, they show that they had been on the same page all along. But we get a nice moment of the two each acknowledging what the other has gone through. "I never could have survived what you survived," Arya tells Sansa. "You would have...you're the strongest person I know," Sansa replies. Cue four million tears. STARKS FOREVER.
15. The Wall comes tumbling down.
Tormund and Beric are the first to see Ice Viserion in action. It's spectacular, and terrifying. If you thought you were over Game of Thrones CGI set pieces, you are wrong. He basically melts the wall to pieces, leaving Eastwatch open to the White Walkers and the wights. HELP. THE END. SEE YOU IN 2019.
