This Valentine's Day, the only thing I want is for Lupita Nyong'o and Michael B. Jordan to continue staring affectionately at each other and setting my heart aflame with charismatic public appearances?
Is that too much to ask. Keep the bouquet of Bitcoins, keep the box of chocolate-flavored Soylents. To paraphrase another icon duo, all I need in this life of sin is Lup & B. Jordan.
Every photo of the two of them together is so perfect, you would have thought it was painted by Amy Sherald and Kehinde Wiley. I need an entire Smithsonian dedicated to their chemistry.
Elon Musk could fuel his next space car with the power of their mega-watt smiles coming into joyous collision.
I know that they're not technically in love with each other but I'm in love with their love and that counts for something, right? What about what I need? What about what's best for me? What about how I feel? What about me?
I know it's more than me. But Lupita and Michael B. need to consider that shipping them is for the good of both nations. (I'm speaking of course about the great nation of Wakanda and the struggling United States of America.)
I'm so torn because every moment they spend together on the press tour for Black Panther is pure magic, but if they remain on the press tour, then the movie won't come out.
On one hand, please stay on the press tour forever and flood my life with pictures of your beautiful talented selves being beautiful and talented at each other for my delight. On the other hand, omg Black Panther needs to come out right now. Black Panther needs to be in everyone's eyeballs right this second. Black Panther needs to invent time travel and come out three hundred years ago. Every movie henceforth needs to be Black Panther. Next year's Oscar frontrunner: Lady Bird Panther, a Wakandan high school senior (Yara Shahidi) comes of age and comes to a new understanding of her mother (Tracee Ellis Ross, obviously), with whom she constantly bickers. Other movies in Oscar contention: Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Wakanda; I, Killmonger; The Shape of Vibranium; Girls Trip to Wakanda; and Get Out.
In the meantime, we'll have to be happy with what we have, namely the movie Black Panther and a bunch of photos of Lupita Nyong'o and Michael B. Jordan looking like promotional shots from the most romantic comedy you've been waiting your whole life for.
This is one of those romcoms that starts in college, when they're both young, and still figuring life out, and you just know they're going to have to go through some stuff before they can finally figure out they love each other and belong together forever.
I've tried to find a picture of the magical moment when they first meet but apparently the technology does not yet exist to capture a thing of such exquisite beauty. How about this, though? This is that moment when both of them think they're playing it cool. Michael B. is like "I'll just steal a glance; what's wrong with just moving my eyes in her direction. Nothing weird about that?" And Lupita is like "He's looking at me, isn't he?" And that moment between Loretta Devine and Gregory Hines in Waiting to Exhale plays in her head, but obviously Lupita keeps her cool. Lupita always keeps her cool.
Moments later, they're both sitting on a panel but their minds are clearly elsewhere.
Time passes; they get involved in the political life of the campus. They team up to lead a protest. Here Michael B. has no chill about social justice or Lupita.
They are definitely feeling the magic. And they are definitely not leaving this student center until the administration agrees to hear their concerns.
Circumstances draw them together and then fling them apart. After graduation, Lupita goes to London and Michel B. ends up in the Bay area. They both become consumed by work. They think of each other every now and then. Maybe they're friends on Facebook. They check in now and then, observing that their Snap stories look happy. Wondering who the other people in the stories are. Wondering how any of us ever truly determine who we are to each other.
Fifteen years go by. Lupita is back in the country. She's receiving a prestigious award and about to take the reigns at a huge company. Michael B. is asked at the last minute to represent his company at the awards gala. He throws a suit on his perfect body and jumps in a car, tossing the invite on the seat without even turning it over to reveal... Lupita's face.
Moments before the awards portion of the gala is set to begin they see each other through the crowd. They do a double-take and then push through well-wishers and friends to reach each other. "I can't believe it's you!" they say at the same time.
Soon, Lupita is whisked away to receive her award. "Find me afterwards," she tells him. He nods. She disappears and then reappears moments later. She hugs him. "I'm serious. Don't get lost."
And, well, that's that. They spend a whirlwind week together and at the end of it, Michael returns to the Bay area, tells his shares in his company, packs his Corgi, and his massive library, and his insanely complicated system of protein supplements, workout boosters, and meal replacement kits, and moves to join her.
This is them at their wedding. The theme is All Black Everything:
And this is them entering a surprise reception held by some friends who couldn't make the wedding (those friends are Barack and Michelle):
And this is them on vacation on the African continent, where they stayed up all night dancing and laughing and enjoyed the best meals of their lives.
This is them in the sequel, at their college reunion, giving The Best Man vibes:
And this is them. Oh! Please tell NBC that this is always a great idea for a sequel to This Is Us. Call is This Is Them and make it about Lupita and Michael and how nothing bad ever happens to them ever. My DVR is already set.
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R. Eric Thomas is a columnist for ELLE.com, where he skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude. He is also the author of Here for It: Or, How to Save Your Soul in America, a memoir-in-essays.
