Between them, the Beckhams and the Carters have infiltrated almost every aspect of our waking lives. Albums, fashion lines, fragrances, tours… Not to mention the fact that we’d all get far more work done if we could just stop getting so darned distracted by their social media feeds and pics of their cute kids.
And as parts of this morning have already been written off to checking out Victoria Beckham on UN duty and admiring the Carters' Paris holiday pics on Bey's website (hey, what else are we going to be doing on a drizzly Monday?), we’ve decided to put the time to good use and get to the bottom of the question that REALLY matters: just who is the most powerful couple of them all?
We put the dynasties head-to-head in the ultimate battle for domination. Much like Game of Thrones, only with more bling. And fewer grisly sword deaths (we hope).
Round one: The joint projects
When it comes to cross-promotion with your spouse, the Beckhams don’t do things by halves: why do any old joint ad campaign, when you can do a joint ad campaign for Emporio Armani in just your knicks? Meanwhile, he is a front-row fixture at her catwalk shows; she travels the world following his love of football or whisky. And we love gawping at the pics of it all.
But they’re no competition for the music-biz behemoth that is Mr and Mrs Carter. He is head of the Roc Nation empire, she sells millions and holds megastar, first-name-only status. Chuck in the globe-straddling joint On The Run Tour (above) and a reported joint album on the way, and it's a KO for the Carters.
RESULT: The Carters win
Round two: Most addictive social media feed
Size matters – and Victoria Beckham is HUGE. On Twitter, that is. She has 7.8 million followers. That is roughly the population of Bulgaria. And we can see why: super-cute family pics, super-glamorous catwalk pics and (whisper it) a sense of humour. Of a pic of a Victoria Beckham-branded black cab, she tweeted: ‘A very posh black cab!’ (We’re hoping a ‘scary bus’ and a ‘ginger bicycle’ will follow.) But David’s letting the side down as a non-Twitterer, meaning we must rely on VB’s feed alone.
Between them, the Carters reach 3.14m on Twitter – but Beyoncé’s feed is all about quality rather than quantity, full of gorgeous snaps of the Bootylicious one and family. We like to follow it and pretend we are friends (still waiting for you to follow us back, Bey…)
Round three: The PDAs
Both couples have given us plenty of heartwarming moments over the years, but what can we say? Our memory is short. Based purely upon the fact that, last week, Victoria posted this pic and got us to go all misty-eyed and actually ‘awwwww’ out loud, we’ll give team Beckham the win. We thought we were dead inside before that, y’see.
RESULT: Beckhams win
Round four: The matching outfits
‘The couple that dresses together, stays together’ seems to have been something of a motto for the Beckhams over the years. Don’t tell us you don’t remember those matching black leathers from the Nineties… Luckily, sartorial standards have been raised over the intervening decades and matchy-matchy is now translated as this chic white look for this year’s Met Ball. Kudos.
On the other hand, there is nary a pic to be found of the Carters in co-ordinating ensembles. Although, upon reflection, we have concluded this is a good thing. We’re not sure low-riding pants, baggy tees and backwards baseball caps would best show off the famous Bey curves. And as for Jay Z in a PVC bodysuit…
RESULT: Beckhams win
Round five: The friends in high places
Oh, these couples are connected (and not in the mafia sense of the word). David Beckham was made an MBE by the Queen and is pals with Prince William; Victoria reportedly bonded with Kate Middleton over motherhood. Fancy.
But wait: Beyoncé and Jay Z will see the Beckhams’ royal connections, and raise them the World's Most Powerful Man. The Carters not only threw a fundraiser for Obama’s re-election campaign, but Beyoncé sang the national anthem at his inauguration. We think the only word for that is: Kapow!
RESULT: Carters win
It’s a dead heat. We just can’t separate the twin powers of Bey-Jay and David and Vic. But hey, at least we have spent what could have been an otherwise productive couple of hours trying to do so…