A great woman once sang, 'You're in the city of wonder / Ain't gon' play nice.'
That woman was Rihanna and she was clearly talking about the glorious Coventry City.
Why? Because it's the only place in the UK where you can eat a chippy batch
(chips in a bread roll) after a night out getting ratted (drunk) at the
Kasbah (a club) before going home in a mard (mood) because you haven't
pulled (kissed someone).
But what's Rihanna got to do with the heart of the nation's motoring
industry, you ask? She's performing at the Ricoh Arena on Saturday 25
June as part of her ANTI World Tour.
Naturally – and I'm speaking for an entire city here – we're excited.
As the self-appointed ELLE spokesperson for the Cov (source: I was born at Walsgrave Hospital and lived in the city for a whole seven years before
moving to a neighbouring town called Solihull), I've written a list of
must-see attractions that RiRi needs to check off her bucket list before
she leaves.
Disclaimer: this list may or may not have been mostly suggested by remaining Coventrian family members between the ages of 28 and 60.
1. Coventry Transport Museum
We're starting off with a cracker. Hands up: who wants to see more than 440 British cars, motorcycles and bicycles, all in one building? You do, Rihanna!
In all seriousness, the museum is an absolute treasure. Originally opened in 1980, it recently went through a £9.5m refurbishment and reopened last year, all shiny and brand new. From the art deco-inspired exterior to housing the bus used by the Coventry City Football Club squad after their 1987 FA Cup win, it's definitely worth
having a look around (and, bonus, it's free admission).
It even has an ACTUAL DeLorean DMC-12 as seen in Back To The Future, and we all know that's RiRi's favourite film. Probably.
2. Ricoh Arena and G Casino
Way-oh! Of course this is on RiRi's checklist, she's performing there on Saturday night. But is she aware of the treasure trove of slot machines, roulette tables and big sporting screens that lies beneath the building
in the G Casino?
She is now.
Last year, I spent a brilliant Boxing Day with my family watching Coventry City Football Club play at the Ricoh Arena. But the best bit by far was playing the computerised roulette machines downstairs (and winning), feeling like I was living it up in Las Vegas when in reality, it was 2pm on a wet
Sunday afternoon in Coventry.
It's totally the kind of place
Rihanna would hang: all neon lights, Seventies carpets and completely over-the-top chandeliers. The only downside is that a pint costs £4.10 (pretty extortionate for Cov), but I like to think RiRi enjoys the finer things in life and wouldn't mind coughing up London prices for a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
3. The Kasbah (formerly know as the Colliseum or locally, The Colly)
Right: I have to be honest. I've never been to the Kasbah so I'm taking a quote directly from Trip Advisor user, Gabz1 : "OK, so the walls get a little sweaty and the heat increases as the night goes on. If you can get past this then you are in for a good night. Head down for 70p drinks."
If that's not a glowing recommendation for a night out, then I don't what is. RiRi needs to head over after her gig on Saturday night for the Tricky Disco DJ set, with chart toppers in the main room. I'm sure she'll love doing the nae nae to Work while sipping £2.50 Jägerbombs.
4. War Memorial Park
So, Rihanna: it's Sunday, you partied hard last night, you gave a brilliant performance and you're a bit hungover from all those Jägers (maybe). The BBC Weather forecasts 18°C and no rain (a rarity in the Midlands), so you'll need to get yourself down the War Memorial Park for a bit of R&R, ASAP.
It really is a lovely park that's just as good, if
not better, than some of London's. Built in the 1920s, the landscaped gardens are a tribute to the 2,587 Coventrians who died between 1914 and 1918 fighting in the First World War.
I remember a lot of wonderful sunny afternoons spent there as a child, and there's always an ice cream van, even in the depths of winter. And everyone knows that an ice-cold Calypso is as good a hangover-cure as any.
5. A curry at the Standard Sweet Centre on Foleshill Road
You simply cannot visit the Midlands without having an Indian curry. It's just not allowed. So last, but by no means least, RiRi needs to make a trip to the Standard Sweet Centre off Foleshill Road before she jumps on her private jet to the next city. Everyone knows it, everyone loves it, and it'll blow her mind.
My advice? Order the veggie samosa to start, followed by a chicken madras, peshwari naan, and a side of basmati rice. Done and done.
Close but no cigar:
- Snax in the City: The best place to go for a proper fry up
- Lady Godiva Clock in Broadgate: On the hour, every hour, the original
bad-ass girl Lady G pops out of a clock in the city centre to greet a
Peeping Tom. Free the nipple - Club Heat: Another direct quote from that's not me: "I mean, it's a strip club. Maybe she'll have a lovely time?'
So there you have it. If, as the phrase goes, being sent to Coventry is wrong, then I don't wanna be right (and neither will RiRi).
