Huge international news! Destiny's DILF's has a new member. (C'est ce qu'il a dit.)
French President Emmanuel Macron heard your heart's plea for more political eye candy and released an official portrait that is, how do you say, le fire.
How dare you, Emmanuel Macron?! And by that I mean, merci beaucoup. Out here going from a snack to a whole meal in front of our eyes. How many of y'alls world leaders are taking official photos that can double as the cover of Esquire magazine? Double my subscription, sils-vous-plait!
You: Macron has a new photo out.
Me:
This is too much. Look at his sly smolder! His mouth says "Je have a secret" and his eyes say "Je will tell you if you're good." AND HIS EYES. Do you realize that there are five different shades of blue in this photo? And every single one of them is there to bring out his eyes? Now that's the mark of a true diva. I am in awe. Let me find out he waited to take this picture until the sky was just that perfect shade of Macron Blue. (Macré bleu? Maybe...)
This season, all I'm wearing is Macron Blue. Forget Cerulean. It's done.
I know I said he was joining Destiny's DILFs, but honestly this picture says "I'm dropping hints that I'm going solo." This photo says "I will always love and respect the group but I think the fans want more of me on my own." Macron is giving you "Beyonce-in-2003 Dangerously in Love " vibes and I am HERE FOR IT.
The only thing that would make this portrait officiel better is if Macron was rocking one of those Bey-jeweled tops, but Mary J. already did that this week so I understand him opting for the world's most well-tailored suit instead.
You know what else I love about this? The Twitter caption. He just throws this perfection out into the world with un petit "Portrait officiel." Like, "Oh this? Oh, haha, I was just playing around with some Insta filters. Why? Do you like it?" Of course we like it, you aesthetically-pleasing wood nymph! Officiel isn't even capitalized. That's the grammatical version of a shrug emoji. Like, "NBD. I just look like a 876,147.75 Euros."
(That's a million bucks.)
Henceforth, when you're sending someone a selfie, all you need to do is caption it "Portrait officiel;" they'll know what to do.
Sliding into your DMs with my Portrait officiel.
Macron also retweeted a video of him getting ready for the photo by flipping madly through a prop book until he found the right page.
This video is perfect because:
- He is working so hard! (C'est ce qu'il a dit.)
- It takes so long! (C'est ce qu'il a dit!)
- The book isn't even in the shot!
What could be so crucial to his photographic success? What's on that page?
Actually, from the amount of smize and smolder in this photo, it's clear to me that the book he's holding is actually the 2010 classic Workin' It!: RuPaul's Guide to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Style. Shantay you stay, Emmanuel Macron.
Honestly, all of your faves could never. When your president saw this photo, he was so overcome he ripped his wig off. And dozens of wallet size images of Emmanuel Macron came raining down around him.
Perfection.
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R. Eric Thomas is a columnist for ELLE.com, where he skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude. He is also the author of Here for It: Or, How to Save Your Soul in America, a memoir-in-essays.
