I am pleased to announce that the erstwhile Denise Huxtable and the forever "Best Celebrity Friend You've Never Met," Lisa Bonet, spent the day walking a donkey.
Please hold your questions until the end.
Your "Lisa Bonet Did What Now?" bingo card is probably getting a major workout this week. You marked off "Secret wedding to Aquaman" earlier this week after news leaked (pun possibly intended?) that she and Jason Mamoa had tied the knot. And now you finally have that elusive center square "Lisa Bonet walks a donkey or burro of some sort whilst wearing a stunning fringe jacket."
What a banner day!
Now, you may say, this event has no context. What is Lisa Bonet doing with a donkey? Where are they going? Was this the donkey's idea or Lisa Bonet's idea? Why isn't she riding the donkey? Why isn't she carrying the donkey? Where did she get that jacket? Why isn't the donkey wearing its matching jacket? Was it too warm that day for a jacket? Was Lisa Bonet just really committed to a look? Or perhaps the donkey later regretted not bringing the jacket along, turning to Lisa Bonet and saying "Why don't I ever listen to you? I could have just brought it right on my back. I'm a donkey. Now I'm cold. Sorry."
These are very good questions (though, I asked you to save them until the end). They all have one answer, however. There is no context for this picture because Lisa Bonet is context itself.
If you are writing a comp lit essay and you're opening and closing paragraphs just say "Lisa Bonet," you're going to get an A. It's true. And you know it's true because it rhymes.
This picture is just so simple and beautiful. I haven't been this envious of a donkey since at least the second Shrek movie.
Honestly, I'm envious of whoever or whatever is in close proximity to Lisa Bonet.
I'm envious of this parking meter.
I would die for Lisa Bonet to give me a bunch of quarters she found in the bottom of her purse.
(I'm also envious of Lenny Kravitz, but my reasons for envying him could fill a book. And not a small book. Like, The 1001 Arabian Nights of envying Lenny Kravitz.)
I am envious of Justin Bieber looking like an awe-struck wax figure of Justin Bieber.
Lisa Bonet is smiling at him! Lisa Bonet smiles at no one! She's like a Cate Blanchett character, but somehow even cooler.
(Dear Hollywood, give us Lisa Bonet is Carol 2, please. Thank you!)
I am envious of the gates of hell or wherever it is Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa are standing here.
I am envious of Dawnn Lewis and Marisa Tomei, who are making a Lisa Bonet sandwich.
Dawnn Lewis' expression is exactly the way I feel about that donkey. Like, "how dare you get to go for a casual, context-less stroll with Lisa Bonet? Why can't it be me?"
It's the question for our age.
If anyone has the contact information for that donkey, please let me know. I want an exclusive interview.
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R. Eric Thomas is a columnist for ELLE.com, where he skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude. He is also the author of Here for It: Or, How to Save Your Soul in America, a memoir-in-essays.
