Warner Bros. released the first image of the Fantastic Beasts sequel's cast, including our initial look at Jude Law's Young Popeldore.

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Warner Bros.

The new film is titled The Crimes of Grindelwald, which sounds like a conspiracy theory that your uncle heard about on Fox News. Before anyone asks, Hillary Clinton has never met Grindelwald, nor has she accepted any donations from Grindelwald, despite what Sean Hannity will be saying for the next month.

(Side note: My spellcheck recognizes the word Grindelwald but not Hannity, so J.K. Rowling, whatever you're doing, keep it up!)

In the film, Johnny Depp plays Grindelwald, a wizard who has committed crimes! In the first Fantastic Beasts film, the role was played by Colin Farrell, who transformed into Depp in the final moments of the film. It was like that thing where the lights come on at last call and suddenly your Tinder date is way sketchier than you thought.

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Nothing but respect for my Grindelwald.

Note to evil magicians: If you're going to disguise yourself, please always use Colin Farrell's face.

I mean, can you blame Grindelwald? This is what he looks like in real life.

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Warner Bros.

The Wizarding World has completely run out of Manic Panic and hair gel.

I love that Johnny Depp's idea of an evil wizard is "Matthew Lillard in the '90s."

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Johnny saw Scream on cable last year and it blew his mind.

(Side note: I could write a dissertation about all the things that are happening in this photo from the 1997 MTV Movie Awards:

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Neve Campbell's bodice paired with a leopard skirt! The random peace sign! Rose. McGowan's. Casual. Side-eye. I'm short-circuiting.)

Anyway, the new Fantastic Beasts isn't about the fixation with animal-print clothing during the last millennium (unfortunately). It's about crimes! By Grindelwald!

Me, at the end of the premiere: He didn't even turn back into Colin Farrell?! Now that's a crime!

Perhaps even more exciting than the promise of a Colin Farrell appearance (I'm holding out hope) is the return of Dumbledore, the beloved wizard who mentored Harry Potter while also continually putting Harry in life-threatening situations that surely traumatized him. Because this film takes place decades before the events in the Harry Potter movies, Dumbledore is played by Jude Law, whose primary directive to his agents was, 'Find old parts, make them young, put me in them. Also, I should look fabulous.'

It's going well.

I do have some concerns about this image, however. What's happening with his arms? Did Dumbledore just finish a rap battle? 'Actually, it's levi-roasted!'

Also, has he ever held a wand before? This seems inconvenient. I mean, I know he becomes the greatest wizard ever or whatever, but from a dexterity standpoint this troubles me. It's like he was making a duck shadow-puppet and someone jabbed a wand in there. 'More magic! Less puppetry!'

Zoë Kravitz made a brief cameo in the first film and will play Leta Lestrange in Fantastic Beasts. Leta had a close relationship with Eddie Redmayne's Newt Scamander but is now engaged to his brother. This is the tea I'm living for. Please can this movie include a scene from the Jerry Springer of the Wizarding World. That's all I ask.

You can see Zoë in costume in the center of the photo.

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Warner Bros.

Zoë is one of four lead women in the movie, all of whom seem to have developed vertigo based on this photo. Why are they all leaning? Is gravity different in the wizarding world? Thank goodness they have all those moody magic men to hold them up.

So many mysteries in this new movie: Do people throw chairs on the Wizard Jerry Springer or just levitate them? What are the crimes?! Can the women stand without falling over? And when are we getting Colin Farrell's face again?

I'm already on the edge of my seat!

From: ELLE US
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R. Eric Thomas

R. Eric Thomas is a columnist for ELLE.com, where he skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude. He is also the author of Here for It: Or, How to Save Your Soul in America, a memoir-in-essays.