With the allegations against Harvey Weinstein and many other high-profile men – along with the #MeToo campaign – the issue of sexual harassment in the workplace is more visible than ever. A recent poll from the Washington Post and ABC News found that 54 percent of women reported experiencing unwanted sexual advances, and 30 percent reported unwanted sexual advances at work. Of the women who experienced unwanted sexual advances while working, 95 percent said their harassers didn't face consequences. These findings aren't exclusive to office jobs, but permeate into all industries from food service to the military to the gig economy.
For female bartenders, cat calls, smacks on the butt, and propositioning are often all in a day's work. Many of the women Cosmopolitan.com spoke to for this article explained that, although they feel guilty about it, laughing harassment off can sometimes be the best way to avoid losing out on a tip. And while some customers are kicked out or banned from bars when their behavior crosses the line, managers still might brush off complaints from bartenders in order to keep a paying customer in the bar. From groping to stalking, these 13 women shared the worst of the sexual harassment they have faced from customers throughout their careers behind the bar.
Emily, 24
I used to work at a nightclub, and there was a guy who was sticking his hand up women's shorts. A girl came up to me and told me about it, but she wasn't able to identify the man in the crowd of people. Then a male customer came up to the service well and stuck his finger up my shorts. It made me feel so uncomfortable. I went to tell the owner of the bar, but we were so busy he didn't listen and screamed at me to go back to my side of the bar.
Then I went to the bathroom, and that same man followed me in and locked the door behind me. I started screaming, and the cook heard me and came and unlocked the bathroom. While I was in there, a female customer had reported the man to the owner, and then they decided to kick him out because there were like three or four girls he had done that to.
Another time, there was a male customer that was drunk and trying to get me to go home with him when I was done with work. He was a regular customer, so he had seen me before. I tried to blow him off, saying that I got off at 4 a.m. and was going to go straight home. He was so pissed I said no that when he left, he ended up ramming the back of my car while it was parked in the parking lot.
Luckily there were people that were leaving at the same time, so they got his plate number and the police caught him, but all of that happened because I wouldn't go home with him. I had just bought that car, too.
We had another regular customer who was significantly older than me, and would usually tip 50 to 60 percent on whatever he ordered. One day he came and asked for my hand, and he wrapped one of those ties you find on a loaf of bread around my finger and took it off. I thought it was weird, but I didn't think much of it.
The next day, he came back and asked if he could talk to me outside. He pulls out a 18 karat yellow gold diamond ring with six half-karat diamonds, and says I can have the ring but I have to give him a kiss. I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested, and even if I was single it would not be professional to kiss him or accept this insane gift. We went back inside the bar and he was so pissed he threw his glass beer bottle on the floor. The worst part about it was that all of the regular male customers were sitting around the bar and when I told them what happened, they said I was stupid for not kissing him.
Samantha, 31
I had a regular who frequently verbally harassed me but since he was friends with the owners, I was told to suck it up. He'd comment on my boobs, would say I needed to come sit in his lap because he was such a good tipper, and I was frequently called a "stupid cunt" when he was drunk. One day I had to walk out from behind the bar to serve his table. I tried to ignore his comments, which apparently angered him, so when I walked by him he grabbed my ponytail, yanked my hair back and said, "You like that bitch?" I told him off and walked back behind the bar. He called the owner and she fired me. She called me into the office and told me my attitude wasn't professional and she needed to let me go. She didn't even ask for my story or check the cameras. I asked if she even wanted to hear my side and she said no, it didn't matter.
Jen*, 29
I had just started bartending in my small hometown, so everyone knows everyone. There was a guy in the bar who I had gone to school with, but had never spoken to. I was walking back in after taking the trash out, and the guy came out of nowhere and yanked my face close to his face and tried to kiss me. I tried to push him off and one of my other customers grabbed his shoulder. I kicked him out and said he was barred for two weeks. I told my boss about the incident, but a few days later the man came back and my boss made me serve him anyways.
Britt, 28
I was bartending at a strip club, and I had a customer reach into my tshirt and try to pull out my boob. It was probably 7 p.m. and he was completely sober. I said he couldn't do that, and he asked how much he had to pay me for that. I told the manager that was there that day, but that manager didn't do anything about it. He came in a few more times, and one of the times he grabbed my hand and wouldn't let it go. It was probably the third time he came in that the head bartender said she would go to the owner, and it was only then that he was banned.
There was a woman that would regularly come in with two gentleman and try to bring someone home. She came around the bar one night, and asked if I would give her a hug. I was wearing a top that tied in the back and when she let go, she untied my top and grabbed my boobs. I let it go because she was always completely drunk and they were nice customers, but the more she would come in, the more she would try to touch me. One night she wouldn't stop touching my hand, my hair, my shoulder and I ended up screaming at her asking her to stop. She got mad and left, and management got mad at me because I caused her to leave.
Chloe, 22
It was my second day at a dive bar. I was the youngest person who worked there, everyone else was in their 40s. I came into work and this one dude, literally the second he saw me, was like, "What's your name? I just want to let you know you have a beautiful ass." He kept following me around as I worked making ass-grabbing motions, and it got worse as he drank more. The other female bartender who was training me started making the same motion as I was bending down to wash glasses, turning it into a joke. When I told my manager, he told me to suck it up and deal with it, because the customer came in every day and ran up a high tab. I quit after that.
Katie, 22
At the bar I work at, we have a shot where the bartenders pour the shot in their mouth and then spit it back into the customer's mouth. It's a $20 shot and we only do it if we feel comfortable. A guy asked for that shot, but after I spit it into his mouth he tried to pull the back of my neck to kiss me. When I tried walking away, he was like, "You know you want me," and, "You had a mouth full of liquor, why don't you have my dick in your mouth?" I alerted security, but he kept grabbing my hand before he was taken out.
Kelly, 38
I worked at a sports bar, and one of my jobs as a bartender was to take to-go orders from the phone. There was a customer that would call for weeks, only during my shift, and when I said my name he would tell me to talk dirty to him. I asked if he was ordering something but he would just ask me to talk dirty to him, so I would hang up the phone. He would call three or four times a night during my shifts. I told my boss about it, but we didn't know who it was because the phone didn't have caller ID at that point. One day I was waiting on customers and I go up to one of the customers to ask what he wanted, and as soon as he spoke I knew it was the man from the phone, even though I didn't have any way to prove it. My manager came over to see if he was going to act weird, but he did nothing. We also tried talking so he would overhear about how someone had been calling the bar and harassing one of the bartenders, and that she was gonna find out who it was and press charges. After that, she stopped having me answer the phone and he stopped calling, but he would still come into the bar and stare at me from across the room.
Rachel, 31
My male co-worker accidentally bumped into me the other day and a male customer sitting at the bar said, "You better be careful man, in a few years she's gonna say you sexually assaulted her." I've been hearing more jokes like that recently, but I couldn't believe he would say that while I was standing there.
There was a big group of guys at the bar one night, I think they were in town for some conference, and I was just chatting and joking around with them. But then the guy who seemed to be the ringleader started commenting on my nipples every time I would go to check on them. He kept talking about how he could see the outline of my nipples in my shirt, that they were so beautiful, and he wishes he could see them. He kept telling me how sexy I was and how I should go back to the hotel with him, and that his wife wouldn't mind. They were a big group and were spending a lot of money so I just jokingly scolded him and brushed it off. I got the impression that he was the boss, and that's why no one tried to stop him even though they seemed kind of uncomfortable.
Haley*, 22
I was closing up the bar and one of my customers offered me and my manager $100 if we would show him our boobs. We said no and he asked how much it would cost. I jokingly said $35,000 and then he told us we were too confident and they couldn't be worth that much.
I also bartend at a bowling alley, and I help out with a raffle we have. One time I was collecting tickets and a man stuck a dollar down my shirt. I was wearing the kind of outfit I would wear to class. I walked away from him to continue collecting tickets and a different man smacked my butt. I turned around and another man in the group smacked my butt. They were all laughing and thought it was a joke. I don't know what it is about middle-aged men thinking they can do stuff like that, but I all I could really do is say that wasn't cool, then brush it off and continue to do my job.
Sarah, 27
I worked as a bartender at a high-end concert facility and had a customer that was a season ticket holder. I was nice, but no different than I was to any other customer. He started appearing randomly and waiting for me outside of events. I told security and they began walking me out at night and they let the higher-ups know, but no one else did anything about it. He still came to shows.
He still waited for me. I called the cops, but they said since he wasn't harming me nothing could be done. I had to continue to wait on this creepy man who we all knew had a thing for me. Our busy season was August through February, and he did it all through Christmas. I was a college student so I ended up taking a lot less shifts one semester, and my coworkers would tell me he would come to shows and ask about me. I think one of them finally told him I got fired or something, and he kind of just quit showing up.
Brandi, 33
I worked at a neighborhood bar and there was a regular who had said creepy things to me before. I was walking out on the bar patio and I had a lot of glasses in my hand and he walks up to me and just slaps my ass in front of the whole patio. It took me a good 5 to 10 seconds to realize what happened. I went back inside to put the glasses down and then went back to him and told him that if he ever put his hands on me again, it would be the last thing he ever did with those hands. All the men on the patio watched that happen, and nearly all of them treated it as a joke and acted like I overreacted.
I also bartend in the VIP section of a men's club. I was behind the bar when I heard this guy making noises and saying things like, "Oo, girl." He gets my attention and says, "Do you want to make love to me?" I was like there's no way he's serious, and just looked away from him. Then he said I was being rude and told me to look at him, and asks me again if I want to make love to him. I told him there was no way, but he just continued standing there smacking his lips and making disgusting sounds with his mouth. It was making me so uncomfortable, so I called security to get him removed.
Brianna, 27
There was a man at the bar while I was working who seemed a little off the whole time he was there. He wasn't overly chatty, but I could tell he was staring at me throughout the night. I was working by myself, so I closed up the bar around 2 a.m. and told the remaining customers to leave, including him. By the time I left, it was around 3 a.m. When I went out to the parking lot, I saw that there was a car there and the man from the bar was sitting inside of it. I thought I was being paranoid, but when I pulled my car out of the parking lot, he followed me. I got to my neighborhood and he was still following me, so I circled around the block and I called my boyfriend who lives with me, who called the police. When the police entered the neighborhood, he drove away. I've never seen him again, but I still get freaked out he might come back.
Missy, 42
I worked at a dive bar in small town at the time. I was standing at the jukebox putting money in for the evening, when a regular male customer came up behind me, grabbed my crotch area and groaned in my ear. I could literally feel his fingers penetrating my vagina and asshole through my pants. I was in shock, I had never felt so violated in my whole entire life. The worst part of all, my boss just kind of blew it off like it wasn't that big of a deal. Like I was exaggerating or something. Sadly, I'm not the only woman that he has done that to. He's well known around town for forcing himself on women and touching them inappropriately.
*Name has been changed because this woman feared repercussions from her job.
