Dear Kylie,
This week, I saw you modelled for Complex magazine and opened up about your former insecurity with the size of your lips.
In the interview, you say you got fillers in your lips because you felt like no one wanted to kiss you. You admit you thought it rude when a guy in middle school told you, 'Your lips are really small but you're a really good kisser. I didn't think you were gonna be good at kissing.' From that day on you say you felt like guys were constantly staring at your lips.
Let me be the first one to say that this boy was an idiot. His hurtful comments clearly stemmed from an insecurity in himself or an ignorance to common decency, rather than any problem with the size of your lips.
Of course, we will never know the true reason behind what he said – perhaps this boy was nervous and tried to transfer his insecurity onto you, maybe he was trying to compliment your kissing skills and it came out wrong or yes, perhaps he was just an moron – but it saddens me boys still wield such power and have such agency over how young girls feel.
It's so easy to internalise criticism, especially when it comes to our appearance. We women are often to be found blaming ourselves, our clothes, our bodies when men do stupid things, like cheat or lie or utter cruel injustices.
I can recall a similar occasion, from back when I was 12-years-old. A group of boys made fun of me for my flat AA bras from Woolworths (cheers, Mum).
At the time, I remember crying to my mother, saying I wanted a breast enlargement when I turned 16.
Looking back, I remember the horror, the tears and the attempts to cover up when changing for P.E.. But, I'm so glad I had someone in my life to tell me to wait, to remind me that I'm more than my looks and that – despite the doubts – my appearance wasn't the linchpin of my happiness.
I hope you too had someone to tell you this.
Let me make it as clear as day, that I am not critiquing the decision to go under the knife. That would be a shaming of a different kind. Body modification - be it with piercings, tattoos, implants and so on – is a very personal choice. But I wish for you to also experience a self-acceptance and confidence that comes from within.
If only we could learn to see ourselves in the way our loved ones see us. With such a premium placed on 'perfection' in culture and, yes, the media, it can leave us feeling in constant pursuit of the wildly unattainable.
But when all is said and done, 'beauty' is the sum of your composite parts - the corporeal, but also in the heart and mind, compassion, bravery and a wealth of other things too.
With love,
x
Katie O'Malley is the Site Director on ELLE UK. On a daily basis you’ll find Katie managing all digital workflow, editing site, video and newsletter content, liaising with commercial and sales teams on new partnerships and deals (eg Nike, Tiffany & Co., Cartier etc), implementing new digital strategies and compiling in-depth data traffic, SEO and ecomm reports. In addition to appearing on the radio and on TV, as well as interviewing everyone from Oprah Winfrey to Rishi Sunak PM, Katie enjoys writing about lifestyle, culture, wellness, fitness, fashion, and more.
