How do you like to clean your house?
Wearing an old hoodie and slippers? Blaring out Radio 2 in the background as you pop another load in the washing machine? Armed with a cup of tea as you lunge around the living room with the hoover, doing your best Freddie Mercury I Want to Break Free impression?
Well, a cleaning company in London is now offering £45 for you to strip off and scrub the floors instead.
Nope, we didn't think so.
According to the Telegraph, London-based Naturist Cleaners are recruiting female staff – of course – to clean private houses in the UK while wearing slippers and gloves.
Ah, yes, because nothing gets the grime off those tiles like a pair of boobs swinging freely, does it?
According to the agency, female cleaners can be 'of all ages and figures' and the majority of clients who use the service are nudists.
The service also provides three options for cleaning: the client nude, the cleaner nude, or both.
Those who would like a nude female cleaner are reportedly charged £65 for the first hour and £55 for each hour after, must adhere to a 'no touch' policy and agree not to take pictures or videos of their naked 'employees'.
First of all, no job should have a 'no touch' policy in their employment agreement. Since when does that need to be a rule?
Secondly, while we have no issue with anyone wanting to get their kit off for nudist reasons or not, we don't see how employing a cleaner – and one that must be female, I might add – has any impact on their nudist views.
Besides, are clients paying for a good cleaner or a naked woman? It's hard to tell?
Thirdly, I myself was a cleaner for a summer between university and earned approximately £12 per house for two hours work. What the hell are these women cleaning that the company can justify charging a client more than double my monthly phone bill for one hours work?
And, having had my arm down my fair share of toilets and plug holes in my time I can say that washing your hair after a cleaning job is hard enough, let alone having to scrub every inch of your body at the thought your naked derrière might have touched a random person's fridge freezer.
Owner Laura Smith – who came up with the service after a nudist client asked her to be naked while she cleaned for him – said:
'We started in London two years ago and it's proved really popular, so we're expanding. We've had quite a lot of female interest for this kind of work.
'The majority of our clients are nudists. I must stress that the cleaners are completely nude. They clean properly, they are not pretending,' she added.
Well, that's okay then…
Ladies, we advise you arm yourself with a dustpan and brush next time someone suggests you get naked to clean the house. It's about to get real dirty.