Condoms are blummin' great aren't they?
Not only are they an effective defence against those things called babies, but they're also a great tool to protect users from sexually transmitted infections (STIs), make for great water bombs in summer, and have now entered the beauty blending sphere of the cosmetics world.
However, now the geniuses of the sexual technology industry might just have invented one of the best tools in the history of sex tech (except from sex toys and the coil, of course).
Enter, i.Con – the world's first 'smart condom'.
*Hallelujah chorus sings*
According to, British Condoms has invited a reusable ring that sits over the base of the condom and measures the number of thrusts, calories burnt during intercourse, and can even measure the girth of a penis because, you know, that's very important to know mid coital position.
The website reads: 'It is extremely comfortable, water resistant and lightweight, you won't even know it's there ensuring maximum pleasure.'
Here's how it works.
The i.Con reportedly uses a Nano-chip and sensors to measure different aspects of your 'bump 'n' grind' including average skin temperature, speed, average velocity and number of thrusts, frequency and duration of sex, calories burnt and the various positions used mid sex (although this is currently in BETA testing).
Users can then use an i.Con app that pairs with their phone via bluetooth technology to download information about their session and even share it with partners or friends.
It's like the Football Manager of the sex world.
'Mate, I only managed 36 thrusts on Friday night, how about you?'
'Yeah, I was averaging about 50 the other day but it's been a slow week.'
The company also claims the condom detects common STIs such as chlamydia, however, it hasn't been quick to explain how this is actually possible.
Adam Leverson, lead engineer on the project, told Metro: 'Not only have we innovated the world's first Smart Condom Ring that'll measure pretty much every aspect of performance in the bedroom, but now I'm pleased to confirm that it will also have built-in indicators to alert the users to any potential STIs present.'
Built-in indicators? What, like the condom will glow in the dark at the detection of gonorrhea or set off a nearby claxon at the hint of herpes?
According to the publication, the i.Con will be available later this year for £59.99, but there's apparently already over 96,000 pre-orders so, you might want to stick for normal condoms in the meantime.
As the i.Con says: 'The future of your sex life starts here.'