If you're feeling a little peeved that the Bank Holiday weekend has left you more exhausted than you thought humanly possible (you just can't drink like you used to, can you?), then maybe don't read this.
Click off the page now if you would prefer to laugh at Donald Trump or look at some amazing pictures of the Gucci Cruise '18 show.
If you are in the mood, though, to wallow in anger and despair, do read on.
But we did warn you.
Apparently women 'become' lesbians because of…men.
And not in a men-are-so-gross-women-jump-ship kind of way (which is offensive in that it's suggesting sexuality is a choice, but at least is acknowledging the fabulousness of women).
But in the sense that women become lesbians just so that men will like them more, because men think lesbianism is 'sexy.'
We know. That sentence was so awful. We're with you on that.
A study which was, unfathomably, published by the scientific and medical research site Science Direct, and which was carried out by (yep, you guessed it) a dude, decided to try and lay claim to the evolutionary reason for women to identify as gay.
Menelaos Apostolou, an assistant professor for the School of Humanities, Social Sciences, and Law at the University of Nicosia, asked 1,509 straight people about women's (homo)sexuality, claiming to 'provide a new theory for the evolution of female same-sex attraction.'
They 'discovered' that, quelle surprise, men fancy women who also fancy women (because…porn) and want their opposite sex partners (women) to have sex with other women.
From these findings, they hypothesised that this created positive natural selection of women who were attracted to other women.
Women, on the other hand, were found to be much less likely to want their opposite-sex partner (men) to have sex with another man. Which makes you wonder, according to their own logic, how gay men exist if there has been no positive natural selection for them, eh?
Basically, in a rudimentary way, the study seems to conclude that lesbianism exists because men like it.
Cool story bros.
The Pink News - a publication that is famously supportive and progressive when it comes to LGBTQ communities - picked up the story and shared it on Twitter, and people were obviously not happy about it.
There were memes.
Oh were there memes.
And there were some good points made.
Arguably better made point that the 'scientific' study.
Rude, but funny.
So, next time you want to learn about female sexuality, it might be worth casting a wider net? 1,502 straight people isn't much of a test group is it now?
We're leaving now.