When you sign up for a Comedy Central Roast, the US show where the point is to come up with the funniest smack-downs at a star guest’s expense, you have to expect to be ripped into. Heck, you’re LITERALLY ASKING to be ripped into. But if there’s anyone whose self-esteem is iron-clad enough to cope with it, it’s Justin Bieber. This is a man who was photographed peeing in public, is on probation for throwing eggs at his neighbour’s house and straight-facedly sang ‘Baby’, for goodness sake. The dignity ship has sailed.
Material aplenty, then: and, this weekend, the comics and stars at JB’s Comedy Central Roast did not disappoint. Here are our favourite potshots at the Bieber ego.
On being Canadian
Host Kevin Hart: 'This man proves we're protecting the wrong border.'
On his criminal status
Snoop Dogg: ‘Justin, you're so pretty, when inmates see your mug shot, they swipe right.’
On his best qualities
Ron Burgundy (yes, THE Ron Burgundy!): ‘Justin Bieber is a full-grown man who works and loves and makes things with his hands. He sings to nine-year-olds and his hair is like a gay figure skater.’
On past relationships
Jeff Ross: ‘Selena Gomez wanted to be here but she's dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a moustache before you?’
On popularity
Shaquille O’Neal: ‘Last year, you were ranked the fifth most-hated person of all time. Kim Jong-un didn't rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.’
On success
Chris D’Elia: ‘You have it all… Except love, friends, good parents and a Grammy.’
And, surely, the definitive assessment
Chris D’Elia: ‘You've become a cocky little sh*t. You are the King Joffrey of pop.’
Yeeeeouch.
