Crowd-birthing is now a thing

No. Just no.


In alarming news, the number of people live-vlogging their births is on the rise. According to a survey by video blogging site Channel Mum, a quarter of mums share their experience on social media and an average of 8 people are now present at some point during the birth. God help us all.


Childbirth will always hold our fascination because we’re talking about the creation of new life here and in the grand scheme of things, that’s a biggie. It’s THE biggie. But can we please leave this particular miracle behind closed doors where it belongs?

Yes, I know, this is the age of social media and we can’t sneeze without documenting it but this is different. This is not a night-out selfie or avocado on toast. It’s childbirth. You know where the baby comes out, right?


Having experienced (read: survived) childbirth relatively recently, I feel that I have a responsibility to tell you that you don’t want to click on that particular Facebook post. Let me tell you what’s going on in that hospital room. It’s a goddamn warzone in there. Epidural or not, warrior or not, supportive husband or not, that woman in labour may as well be a wild animal rampaging through the Serengeti. Her blood curdling screams will haunt your nightmares. Her deranged faces make Crazy Eyes look placid. She is possessed. It’s brutal and ugly and more seriously, it’s a matter of life and death.

There is so much opportunity for things to go wrong. It’s scary and dramatic and intensely private – why would you want to share that with the world? Or even yourselves? With every day that has passed since I gave birth, I have been so thankful that the passage of time has faded my memories. Of course l am #grateful that this hellish experience gave me my wonderful daughter but I can’t envisage any situation in which I’d want to curl up on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn and relive the ordeal. In the same way I wouldn’t want to see footage of a hernia operation or shoulder surgery for fun.

Last year, Robbie Williams hit the headlines when he inexplicably live-vlogged and Tweeted the birth of his son. Beyond the TMI argument, Robbie p*ssed so many women off because he was basically showboating while his wife Ayda was in the painful throes of labour. If that had been my husband, we would have been divorced by the time the baby was born. Of course it goes without saying that Kim Kardashian gave birth to North West in an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Believe me, I’m a social media snoop just like you. I live on Twitter and Instagram and I’m a viral video junkie, but there is a line here, people. And it must be drawn at the hospital door.

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