Having only been to three weddings in my life – one disastrous, that involved a bridesmaid fainting at the altar much to the bride's annoyance, one hilarious, that saw the groomsman answer a phone call mid-service and another which involved the bridesmaid (me) losing their oversized shoe half way down the aisle and having to drag it along with a Quasimodo-like limp so as not to stop proceedings – I won't profess to being an expert when it comes to throwing the perfect wedding.
However, one thing I'm sure of is that a wedding is meant to be a celebration of love between two people and a unification of families. It is not, as far as I'm aware, an occasion for wedding guests to see how much free stuff they can get their mitts on.
According to e-commerce website Etsy, brides and grooms are now spicing up their weddings by modernising the concept of the wedding favour – you know, those little presents that sit as a placeholder on your table and range from adorable chocolates and homemade jams created by the bride's mother, to bespoke liqueurs and engraved wooden spoons.
Yup, Etsy's first ever trend guide suggests that the wedding favor is out, the gifting suite is in.
Now, those of us who are more inclined to shop at Monsoon, Warehouse and Coast for our wedding clobber might not be well-versed in the etiquette of gifting suites but, if you don't know, gifting suites are those rooms at awards shows where celebrities are invited to pick out their own gifts, ranging from holidays to Hawaii and spa treatments to the latest Xbox and jewellery.
And all for free.
Think this year's Oscar Nominee 'swag bags' and you're on the right track.
According to Hellogiggles, the wedding trend experts at Etsy said of the passé wedding favour via a press release: 'Much as they've become staples of 21-century weddings, stuffing and distributing dozens of welcome bags in the middle of pre-wedding mayhem is exactly nobody's idea of a good time (even your bridesmaids).
'Enter: gifting lounges, which preserve the fun part of the process — picking out the just-right mix of sentimental, symbolic and silly favors — and ditch the assembly line drudgery.
'Upon arrival at the couple's hotel, a welcome party, or even at the reception itself, guests can grab a personalized tote or other container and help themselves to a curated spread of memorable goodies,' they add.
I'm sorry, but since when did everyone become so rich they can now afford to give their weddings guests free sh*t?
Look, if I'm forking out £20 per head for someone at my wedding, they can jog on if they think they're going to receive a personalised tote bag, mini bottle of champagne and a Diptyque candle on top.
Etsy justify the 'gifting suite' trend by pointing out the average number of wedding guests decreased 10 per cent from 2009 to 2015.
But, that doesn't explain why newlyweds would want to spend more money on satisfying their guests when its their big day.
Here's some advice, save the cash and splash it out on a fancy honeymoon.
Believe me, Aunt Jane and Uncle Derek won't notice if there isn't a bespoke charm necklace in their wedding goodie bag. They'll be so busy getting sloshed on the hotel's booze cabinet and throwing shapes to Dexys Midnight Runners' 'Come On Eileen', they won't even know where they are.
A word to all my wedding guests if I ever get married, enjoy the slice of coffee cake, glass of bubbly and the 'personalised' shell I found on Brighton beach and leave the gifting suite to the celebs.