This feature is part of ELLE's 'Modern Motherhood Series' - exploring the shifting role of 'mother' in society and the women choosing to do things differently.
From nurseries decorated with vegan paint, to rumours of a doula and cancelling the post-birth announcement outside the Lindo Wing, as Meghan Markle continues to buck royal baby traditions we look to eight other mums who are reclaiming a new narrative of motherhood.
Whether they're starting an Instagram account dedicated to their newborn, sending them to mindfulness school or simply encouraging a child to speak their mind, these women are re-writing the 'rulebook' to parent their way.
Katherine Ormerod, Author and Influencer a.k.a. The Insta-Mum
'I struggled to conceive and over time realised that I was consuming a lot of kids content on Instagram because people I'd followed for fashion had given birth and I'd gone along on that journey with them. But, it had made me feel really low, so when I had my baby I wanted people to have the choice to opt in or out of the baby stuff - that's why I started the @mamalovesgrey account.
'I totally understand people who aren't comfortable with putting their children on social media, but I wish they would understand my point of view as well. I live in a different country to my family, I don't have friends close by with children (of any age) and I needed help and a community, especially at the beginning. I know how much my experiences have helped other women, because they tell me every day, and when it comes down to it, the vast majority of parents share pictures of their children online, so he’s hardly going to be an outlier in terms of dealing with that experience in the future.
'I am very aware of how he might feel one day about our account - and if he doesn’t like it, it will be deleted. But for now, it’s an incredible space for honest information exchange, a place for empathy and much needed support, and I hope he would understand that at some point in the future too.'
Lara Ferros, Creative Producer and Art Director a.k.a. The Mindfulness Mum
'I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant and I’ve been thinking about how I'll raise my daughter. One of the most important things to me will be to remind her to trust and rely on her instincts more as that's something we're trained out of as we get older. Being something of a self-confessed hippy, I'm also going to look into mindfulness schools because I think the way we're currently taught to think and operate in the world no longer serves us - it’s time for the next generation's mindset to evolve.
'Mindfulness schools make your child more aware of their actions and reactions, encouraging them to look at themselves and why they're reacting to a specific situation in a certain way. They also provide kids with breathing and meditation lessons and the tools to help them stay calm, focused and to prevent a tantrum before it starts. I want my daughter to have stronger communication skills and be able to connect within herself when she needs to take time out to meditate.'
Remi Sadé, Writer and Podcaster a.k.a. The Open Book Mum
'The autonomy a mother has can feel lost at times; there are so many things we stereotypically don’t vocalise. I often say that we give birth to our children and our motherhood journeys simultaneously. The podcast I host for MMD (Make Motherhood Diverse founded by Candice Brathwaite) talks about all stages and shares all narratives of motherhood in that woman's own words, so no matter where you're at, you’ll always be able to find real motherhood anecdotes. I think that's quite powerful.
'Something I was keen to challenge with my own daughter was how I parented in terms of communication. The idea that children should be seen and not heard or that certain topics are unladylike is something I wholeheartedly disagree with.
'I talk to my daughter about most things and there's always an explanation to give or question to answer. I do it because, while most importantly it helps to develop her speech, it also sets the tone for her life that conversations between us can be open. I want her to be confident in her independence and use her voice from an early age.'
Sophia Hilton, Founder of Not Another Salon a.k.a. The Baby-Free Vacation Mum
'My husband and I were both determined to hold onto our lives after the baby was born. We always knew we’d go away on holiday, and we always knew we’d be happy to leave the baby. My parents were 21 when they had me and when they went on holiday twice a year I used to stay with my nan. So I grew up with that dynamic and I never felt neglected – I felt like they lived.
'My mum looked after him while we were away, so I had nothing to worry about. Lots of different people look after my son, he’s pretty used to it. She sent us videos of him everyday and I said to my husband, "Do you want to watch them?" and he was like "No! I'd like a week without looking at the baby!" Then by the time it got a week into the holiday we were sitting and watching the videos together, we couldn’t help it.
'Before that, my husband took the baby for three weeks when he was six months old to visit his family in Australia. It felt like a really good idea at the time and then I was like, "Woah it’s really not", but it ended up being this amazing mum time for me - it was what I needed. I needed space, I needed to breathe, to go to yoga, I needed to meditate, and then they came back and I was so refreshed and so ready to be a parent.'
Shanae Dennis, Health Research Manager a.k.a. The Youtube Tutorial Mum
'I had my son at the end of the second year of university. I was due to return in four months time to complete my third year and I needed to get us into a routine that I could sustain when I went back. I wasn't sure what to do so I followed a lot of YouTubers who were in similar positions as me for tips.
'One of the biggest challenges I had was explaining that I was following the advice of a YouTuber to my son's grandparents - they couldn't understand why I would take the advice of YouTubers over their years of generational wisdom. My parents, as well as my son’s other grandparents, are first generation immigrants so I was trying to blend Ghanian and Jamaican traditions and advice. My biggest battle was making sure my voice and wants were heard, I was constantly being told "Back home we do..." about everything.
'It was exciting learning about the traditions that came from my son's background and I always listened to the traditions and cultures that my son’s grandparents wanted me to integrate into my parenting style, but I made sure I did what felt most natural to me. I wasn’t scared of starting new traditions or doing things differently and that’s what kept me sane.
'As a young mum, everyone sees you as a child, so wherever you go, someone is offering you advice. Eventually you have to trust your own initiative.'
Hannah and Joanna Wyse a.k.a. The Equal Mums
'So far, parenting has mainly been about keeping Alex alive! Although we are having to work quite hard to remind people that we are equal mummies. We don't have Alex's sperm donor on the birth certificate, and probably won't refer to him as the father when she gets old enough to ask about how she came to be. When we arrived to register Alex the registrar said, "Who is the mother?" and I said, "Oh she is" thinking that they meant the person who carried Alex. I'm down as the other parent. I'm not too bothered, but it would have been amazing to have the option of mother 1/mother 2.
'As same sex parents there are some things we'll have to be a bit more conscious of. For example, Jo is dead set against Alex going to a Catholic school, because she can't be sure how other parents or children might react if they have a religious background. Personally, I'm not too fussed, I went to a public Catholic school and I thought it was fine, but then again, I didn't have two mums!
'We have reached out to other lesbian mums in Edinburgh (there's a Facebook group) as I want Alex to grow up knowing other children with two mummies. It's sadly inevitable that she might have someone make a nasty comment at one time, I figure it gives me and Jo a support network on how to deal with that, but also so Alex hopefully won't feel like the "only child of gays in the village".'
Vanessa Emery, Communications Manager a.k.a. The Anti-Sterilisation Mum
'I realised after many hours of bottle sterilising and then researching "Why we do this" that I was happy with a very, very clean environment and not technically a sterile one. As long as the bottles are cleaned thoroughly and air dried after every feed there should be no need to sterilise a growing baby’s environment. We’re a family with a dog, living in London and travel often - if we’re going down a route of sterile bottles, we might as well keep her in a plastic bubble too.
'I’ve come across other parents who strongly believe in sterilising and others who don’t. Apart from a few judgemental looks, most people seem to be pretty understanding or agree with our version of "rule breaking" once explained. For me, the rules are important and a good foundation. Taking them at face value helped, but researching and understanding them allowed me to find a bespoke approach for me and my baby that achieved the same results.'
George Driver was the former Senior Beauty Editor - Digital at ELLE UK.
