My teenaged daughters didn’t want to watch the Lionesses play Spain in the World Cup Final, so I watched it with my mother, who wouldn’t have missed it for the world. We sat rapt, me shouting the odd expletive, she sipping her tea. When the final whistle blew, I felt as 'gutted' as any football fan has ever felt, as though my insides had been sliced open and hung out to dry. Though nowhere near as gutted as I felt some 10 minutes later. 'Did you see that?' I bellowed to my mother. 'Did he actually… was that a… kiss?'
Watching Luis Rubiales, president of the Royal Spanish Football Federation, kiss Spanish forward Jenni Hermosa, I was glad my teenaged daughters weren’t sitting there to see it. I was glad they hadn’t witnessed the Spanish team’s triumphant victory - the culmination of years of hard work, determination and sacrifice - become completely overshadowed by the selfish action of a man whose job it is to exalt these women, not diminish them. It took a lifetime for the Spanish team to get to the pinnacle of their profession. It took an instant to rob them of their glory.
In kissing Hermoso, Rubiales instantly became the story, as men too often do. The best thing he could have done was apologise. The worst thing he could have done was claim the kiss was 'mutual and consensual'. No prizes for guessing which action he chose. Blaming the heat of the moment, he explained away the kiss as a natural reaction to 'his' team winning the cup. It is the ultimate 'look what you made me do', a defence men have used for centuries.
Watching it in real time, seeing how he held Hermoso’s head in a lock, it was obvious that Rubiales’ defence was a lie, gaslighting of the most egregious sort, of the type that women all over the world will recognise. Despite the incident happening in the most public way imaginable - on live TV, watched globally by an audience of millions - it’s a mark of Rubiales arrogance that he still tried to change the narrative, begging Hermoso to appear in his apology video, pressuring her to release a statement saying the kiss was consensual and even sending a false statement in her name to a Spanish press agency.
Hermoso held her ground, issuing a statement that the kiss was unwanted, and had left her feeling 'vulnerable and like the victim of an assault'. She described it as 'an impulsive, macho act, out of place and with no type of consent on my part'. Like a toddler, Rubiales simply stuck his finger in his ears, telling an emergency meeting of the Spanish football federation that he was a victim of 'false feminism', diminishing the kiss as 'a peck' and stating 'I will not resign' five times, to widespread applause.
Shame on those applauding him. Shame on everyone standing by him, other than his mother, who has locked herself in a church and gone on hunger strike in a bid to defend his name, and who deserves compassion rather than shame, though - with respect - what she really needs is educating. As does anyone defending him. The question is: what more can we do to educate? The kissing scandal is simply further evidence of what women have known all along: that post #MeToo, nothing has changed. Non disclosure agreements are still being used to silence women, just as Rubiales sought to silence Hermoso.
But what do we expect? Rubiales is the product of a misogynist culture that both hides and validates his every wrongdoing. Last year, his own uncle told an anti corruption trial that Rubiales had allegedly illegally used the Spanish Football Federation's (RFEF) funds to rent a luxury villa for an 'orgy', during the height of the pandemic, partying until 6am with his colleagues and 'eight to 10 young girls'. Rubiales and the RFEF vehemently deny the claims.
Whatever the tribunal verdict, there is enough anecdotal evidence to suggest that Rubiales has a long history of being accused of showing disregard and disrespect towards women. (Note how he grabbed his crotch in front of Princess Letizia of Spain during the World Cup Final). This is what happens when male entitlement runs unchecked: unwanted kisses, unasked for physical contact.
Which is why it’s essential that his unwanted kiss isn’t brushed aside, or minimised by a suspension. His current suspension isn’t punishment enough. If Rubiales won’t resign, he needs to be fired. Because unless it is punished - properly punished - his kiss is in danger of being seen as an open invitation for men to treat women however they want to. It has set back by light years the attempts of every parent trying to teach their children about boundaries and sexual consent. For as long as acts of sexual violence are tolerated, justified or accepted, men will continue to try it on - in private and in public. To quote the Lionesses’ collective statement: 'Abuse is abuse. The behaviour of those who think they are invincible must not be tolerated. We all stand with you, Jenni Hermoso and all players of the Spanish team.'
