Every Monday, you could say that I’m basically a ‘tradwife’. I can explain. When our one-year-old son started nursery last September, my husband and I decided to put him in for four days a week in a bid to save on childcare while I started working freelance. Of course, I also thought it would be nice to hang out with my baby a bit more while he was little. We agreed that I would be the one to look after our son while my husband worked. So, on Mondays I juggle childcare with cleaning (vacuuming, changing bedsheets) and a bit of cooking (some 15-minute toddler muffins if I’m really stretching myself). We go to M&S, maybe the playground, sometimes we (both) cry. When it’s over, I’m often relieved, worn out and looking forward to starting my working week the next day.
What I’m not doing on Mondays is making cocoa puffs from scratch in a DÔEN dress with a full face of make-up, as performed by the #tradwives of Instagram and TikTok. Because it would be impossible. You’ll find me in jeans and, at most, some tinted lip balm, serving (store bought) sourdough.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve searched online for things like the aforementioned toddler muffins, but the algorithm is increasingly pushing the tradwife content on Instagram my way. Women such as Hannah Neeleman, better known to her 8.8 million followers as @BallerinaFarm, a Mormon tradwife who juggles eight children in a variety of aprons while showcasing her bucolic life on a Utah farm. In a recent video she bakes sourdough crackers with a baby strapped to her. Estee Williams is another popular tradwife, although more of a 1950s housewife caricature who espouses some pretty retro ideologies, such as biblical submission. Alena Kate Pettitt is a popular English tradwife and founder of the Darling Academy.
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Then there’s the hottest new tradwife on the block: Nara Smith. The twentysomething mother of two (with a third on the way) and wife of Mormon model Lucky Blue Smith, Nara is known for making her own Oreos and saying things like ‘cooking is my love language’. She is one of the few women of colour tradwives, and renounces the typical uniform of prairie dresses for a more chic aesthetic and layers of gold jewellery. And while she doesn't ever use the term tradwife herself, her videos are certainly in keeping with the movement, which has over 64.2 million views on TikTok alone.
While I don’t judge anyone for cooking for their families or being a stay-at-home mother (feminism is obviously about choice), tradwives’ performative domesticity and unrealistic portrayals of motherhood can frustrate mums like me. Why are they always showing themselves baking and not cleaning the loo? Who is actually looking after the kids while they film themselves collecting flowers and eggs from their land? These women are almost certainly very wealthy and have a lot of help (the internet had a bit of a ‘gotcha’ moment when it was uncovered that Neeleman’s husband’s father is the co-founder of JetBlue Airways). Making a grilled cheese from scratch, as Smith recently did (she even made the mozzarella), isn’t really about caring for your family, rather it’s conspicuous leisure. As Professor Neil Shyminsky explains in a now viral TikTok video: ‘This is not real labour, this is symbolic labour. It is nothing more than social signalling that this woman and her family belong to the leisure class.’
But here’s the really troubling part. Why is this type of content, which first appeared around 2020, gaining so much traction in an era where reproductive rights are being rolled back? Since Roe v. Wade was overturned in 2022, Ballerina Farm’s Instagram following has increased from one million to almost nine. Then there’s the recent Alabama Supreme Court ruling which declared that embryos created through IVF should be considered children, pointing to a rise in Christian nationalism in the US. And in the UK, there has been a sizeable increase in prosecutions for abortions outside the legal requirements. Since December 2022, six women have been charged and are awaiting trial, whereas between 1861 and November 2022 - 161 years - there were three convictions. This month MPs are set to vote on decriminalising abortion in England and Wales. It is long overdue and I hope the amendments to the Criminal Justice Act pass.
We’re also in a year that Donald Trump is seeking re-election. While we can assume that most tradwives plan to check Trump’s name on their voting cards, by fetishising these women, we are also indirectly supporting the things he stands for, namely white supremacy and patriarchy. One tradwife, Ayla Stewart (@WifeWithAPurpose) even started the ‘white baby challenge’, encouraging white women to have as many babies as possible, in response to the ‘great replacement’ conspiracy theory. Trump is also said to support a nationwide ban on abortion past 16 weeks (currently 24 weeks in more progressive states).
When we live in an era of forced birth and fragile reproductive rights, doesn’t it seem somewhat sinister to be platforming women whose whole lives are about raising multiple children and traditional gender roles? We should be outraged by the state of things and fighting for reproductive autonomy, but instead many women I know are hooked watching women churn butter while ruddy toddlers paw at them.
Maybe it’s just that modern life is hard and chaotic. There’s a cost of living crisis and a disenfranchised workforce, with younger women disproportionately affected. Perhaps packing it all in to bake bread and be a kept woman now really is the aspirational lifestyle choice. Or is it, as TikToker Caro Claire Burke suggests, that maybe progressive women are subconsciously looking for a way to live in this scary new world of forced birth (as well as the financial penalties of having children) and ‘still find joy’ as a coping mechanism? That if women end up having to stay at home with a baby, then it might all be ok; the tradwives of Instagram at least make it look cosy.
Enjoy the tradwife content if you want, but don’t ignore the values that they represent or that it’s really just conspicuous leisure. I’m a stay-at-home mum for one day a week with just a single child and I can tell you that it’s exhausting. And I don’t even put make-up on.
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