Rose McGowan's memoir, Brave, came out today and as she explains, 'My life, as you will read, has taken me from one cult to another. Brave is the story of how I fought my way out of these cults and reclaimed my life. I want to help you do the same.' Here, 8 of the most emotional reveals from the book.
1. She grew up in the cult of The Children of God.
McGowan details her childhood in Italy under the Children of God cult, in which she says she suffered ongoing physical, mental and verbal abuse. Eventually, Children of God began advocating for child-adult sex, which McGowan narrowly avoided, and her father made plans for their escape. Notably absent from his plans, however, was McGowan's mother, who was left behind. For all of its flaws, McGowan credits her childhood with cultivating her unique understanding of the world. 'I find the system, especially the system I now know best, the American system, aggressively determined to crush free thought and those it labels 'other,'' she writes. 'I'm here to tell you that 'other' is where it's at.'
2. She had a difficult relationship with her parents.
McGowan was eventually reunited with her mother who, perhaps as a result of her experience in the Children of God, had tumultuous relationships with men. McGowan bounced back and forth between the homes of her mother and father, who were separated, enduring the manic-depressive episodes of her father and the avoidance of her mother. This led to a period of homelessness and eventually, emancipation from her family. 'It's just male-dominated society that snows us into not noticing it's we women doing the saving,' she writes. 'We are the white stallion, and we have to wait for no one but ourselves.'
3. She was first assaulted in the movie business when working as an extra.
When McGowan's father announced that she owed him $300 a month in rent, she responded to an ad for movie extras. The pay was $35 a day, but the cost ended up being substantially higher. A man on set in his late forties eventually sexually assaulted McGowan, the first in a series of many similar industry experiences. 'The truth of it is, the shame was not mine, and for all victims in similar situations, it is not ours,' she writes. 'The shame is on the abuser, not the victim, not the survivor.'
4. Her first love was murdered.
As a teen, McGowan met and started dating an older man, William, who she describes as a 'spoiled brat.' He soon turned abusive and encouraged McGowan to develop an eating disorder. At one point, McGowan was just 92 pounds. One night, she woke up to being choked by William and then viciously attacked in his home. He would leave and return on benders, often sleeping for up to 24 hours, and McGowan used this time to escape to a Hollywood nightclub, the Dragonfly. The Dragonfly is where, at 19, McGowan met music exec Brett Cantor, who set her on the path toward recovery. He arranged for her to move in with a friend of his, and McGowan went back to William's, packed her things and stole his car. She drove to Seattle to trade-in the car for something new before beginning the journey back to Los Angeles, and called Cantor numerous times on her ways. Eventually, the LAPD answered and informed her that Cantor had been murdered. 'He'll always have a piece of my heart,' she writes. 'The case is still unsolved, but I have been trying for years to remedy that.'
5. She refers to Harvey Weinstein only as the 'Monster.'
McGowan went public with her allegations against Harvey Weinstein last fall but chooses not to name him in Brave, instead referring to him throughout as the 'Monster.' For the first time, McGowan details the alleged assault that took place at the Sundance premiere for her 1997 film Going All the Way. 'I try to make sense of what the fuck is going on,' McGowan writes. 'How did I get pulled into this position and pushed up against this wall? When did my clothes come off? I don't know what to do. It goes on and on and on. My skin feels like it wants to fall off. His disgusting tongue is INSIDE of me. Oh my God. Tears roll down my face. The water is splashing because he is grabbing himself underwater. One hand holding me, his other holding it. His tongue stabs inside of me again.' Later, McGowan recalls this as the moment when her life was hijacked.
6. She wore her MTV VMAs naked dress as a 'fuck you.'
In the year that followed, McGowan would fall 'madly in love' with rock star Marilyn Manson in what she describes as a 'pretty legendary' relationship with 'a whole lot of amazing.' The first big event they would attend as a couple was the 1998 MTV Video Music Awards to which McGowan wore what she calls 'the naked dress,' a reclamation of her body after her assault. 'I thought: you know what? Fuck you,' she writes. 'You want to objectify me? You want to see a body? This is what you want? All you media men, all you photographers, you vultures, this is what you want to see? I'll fucking show you a body.'
7. Charmed was a boy's club.
In the five years McGowan worked on the show, only one female director was hired, and the crew eventually sank her. 'The mostly male crew, I think without even realising what they were doing, just cut the female director's legs out from under her,' writes McGowan. 'The crew would snicker in disrespect when she would direct them. I can't imagine it was a pleasant working environment. I feel horrible about not fighting for her more, but I didn't fully understand the dynamics of what was happening. My character was too busy talking to leprechauns to have the time.' Anytime McGowan shared she liked a director, they never returned. If she said she hated somebody, they would return for sure. 'It's hard to reconcile the sweet little old man I met — Aaron Spelling — with all the decades of sexist media he'd produced and put out into the world,' McGowan writes. 'Credit for that sexist media also goes to the people he surrounded himself with: the executives, all male; the writers, mostly male; the head writer, male. On a female-drive show, of course.'
8. She regrets ever meeting Robert Rodriguez.
McGowan meets the character RR (easily identifiable as director Robert Rodriguez) in Cannes and describes it as 'a moment you regret for the rest of your life.' RR would become 'the most significant relationship" in McGowan's life, besides her father, she says. He cast McGowan as the lead female part in a double feature with director Quentin Tarantino, Planet Terror and Death Proof, and eventually, RR sold their film to Weinstein. 'Yes the Monster's studio was going to release our movie,' McGowan writes. 'I can't tell you what it was like to be sold into the hands of the man who had assaulted me and scarred me for life.'
