'Anyone willing to cut a catch-up short for an ITV drama will be relegated to the "emergency" friends list'
As the easing of lockdown brings the country back to some sense of normality – where the pub and hair salon no longer sound like lands of legend – having to restrict social meet-ups to a handful of friends is still a bleak reality.
For weeks, we’ve had to choose who to meet up with based on sensible factors like proximity and ease of transport. The best friend who lives an hour’s drive away has been swapped for the former colleague around the corner. The Wednesday Happy Hour buddy has been traded for your other half’s girl mate, with which you have very little in common save for owning a bike and loving a cocktail in a can.
Now, lockdown is easing, and Prime Minister Boris Johnson is allowing us to meet up in groups of six, or even return to the pub in small cohorts. But without the ability to send out a blast invite to everyone we know, the pressure to pick carefully which friends to meet up with hits fever pitch. And I’m choosing them depending on what they can do for me.
When you've been cloistered in a tiny flat, with no real access to people and the outside world, you begin to form a list of needs that aren't being met. It could be moments to unload about your significant other, which are essential to your mental health and that of your relationship. Or it could be the mirth of a particular type of humour, which you need for keeping your spirits high.
And if you're like me, your friends' personalities correlate quite directly with that list of needs. There's the one person who knows just what to say when you fret about your horrible boss. Or the one who, three mimosas later, has always figured out how to fix your domestic dramas. So if you want to sate your appetite for certain things that you've sorely missed, you need to start prioritising meet-ups in order of what's most important to you.
Prior to lockdown, I rarely declined an invite to a social occasion. It wasn't so much about being a social butterfly, as it was about guilt, boredom and an inability to say 'no.' But lockdown has changed all that. It's given me reason to be selfish about my time, not just to put my health needs first, but my emotional ones too.
That’s why I’ve started to rank friends, depending on how salubrious I find their presence. Mercenary, yes, but when your only source of companionship in the day is the bulging-eyed pigeon outside the window, you earn the right to be picky.
People who can enter my bubble now include those who bring a shoulder to cry on when I’m feeling overwhelmed. And the ones who suggest a walk and a chat about on-demand reality shows, understanding the value of escaping flatmates, partners and the same four walls. More than ever, I need thoughtful friends who lend an ear, reply thoughtfully and know exactly what to say to make me laugh.
I also include those who know to bring a bottle of prosecco, remember to slip me a slice of homemade banana loaf and are willing to share a pack of flaming hot Doritos. Because bringing something to the table can be literal, as well as figurative. And you can rarely go wrong with fizz and cake.
The people who I won't include, are the ones who turn up empty-handed, let you pay for the takeaway they suggested ordering and talk, unceasingly, about themselves. I've realised that these are not the reciprocal relationships of adulthood and, frankly, there's not much need to hold onto them.
Now we’ve entered the post-Zoom party and virtual hugs phase of lockdown, I’m making sure my support network is one filled with generous and thoughtful people. I no longer have the patience for satellite friends whose only purpose before the pandemic was to guilt-trip me into attending a spin class with them or fill awkward silences at pre-drinks.
Lockdown has taught me that time is precious. The last thing I intend to do is waste it on people who don’t bring a worthy contribution.
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Katie O'Malley is the Site Director on ELLE UK. On a daily basis you’ll find Katie managing all digital workflow, editing site, video and newsletter content, liaising with commercial and sales teams on new partnerships and deals (eg Nike, Tiffany & Co., Cartier etc), implementing new digital strategies and compiling in-depth data traffic, SEO and ecomm reports. In addition to appearing on the radio and on TV, as well as interviewing everyone from Oprah Winfrey to Rishi Sunak PM, Katie enjoys writing about lifestyle, culture, wellness, fitness, fashion, and more.
