Standing at just 5ft 2”, with freckles and mousey brown curly hair, I come across very cutesy. Very Emilia Clark. I’m almost always smiling, am over-the-top friendly and genuinely spend my downtime doing yoga and colouring in animals in my adult colouring book.
I also go to sex raves.
It all started after a series of shitty Hinge dates. I was six months out of a long-term relationship and just wanted to cut to the chase. Then my artist friend Lexi* introduced me the kink dating app Feeld where you list your sexual desires in the same way you’d usually write your hobbies. There are couple profiles looking for a third partner, group chats and you can send photos. I quickly became obsessed.
I was on it all the time, sexting throughout work hours, even taking myself off to the quiet stairway to swipe without fear of someone seeing over my shoulder.
It was through Feeld that I organised a first date to the sex rave Crossbreed which Lexi was a regular at. It was the perfect ‘in’.
I booked the Friday off work to recover post-party, and told the work colleagues who asked that I couldn’t wait for a day by myself to ‘chill and relax’. I imagine they thought more face mask and bubble bath, than prizing a mesh harness bodysuit off my sticky body.
Lexi and I got ready together and she persuaded me to go full kink; I had matching stockings and the straps of the bodysuit framed my bum rather than covered it, ass-less as opposed to crotch-less. My boobs and nipples were also completely on show, something I usually avoid at all costs. At size 30G I’m hugely self-conscious about them and have had multiple breast reduction consultations. I cover them when I can with loose fitting tops, after my teenage years were spent trying to ignore sexual comments from boys and even an ex’s dad.
It was mid-winter, so we arrived at Crossbreed covered up in unassuming trousers and jumpers, then stripped off in the cloakroom queue like everyone else. Women around us were taking off their coats to reveal just thongs and nipple tape, and most of the guys were wearing black leather or mesh. There were a lot of harnesses and nipple clamps.
Unfortunately, this evening proved wholly unsatisfying. I had looked forward to exploring, but my date wanted exclusivity and held me back. It wasn’t until I went to my second Crossbreed event that I truly experienced the hedonism I craved.
This time, dressing more low-key in lingerie and a long sleeve mesh wrap top with pink fluffy cuffs, I rocked up on my own.
I made friends with two guys in the smoking area and after sharing a spliff, Elliott asked me to dance with him in the playroom. This was the moment I’d been building up to.
The room is extremely dark, with disorientating red lights and a mirrored wall on one side. There are raised platforms, furniture and stirrups that people were strapped into having sex and getting flogged. The only rule in the playroom is that there is no solo masturbation, for consent purposes.
Elliott* was wearing mesh fingerless gloves and black leather trousers with a black bandana holding back his dreads. He pressed me against a platform and started going down on me. I was aware that others were watching but I didn’t feel the need to play up to it, I was just experiencing this very strange situation with this stranger.
We ended up having sex and I gave him head on my knees. He came all over my tits. It felt incredible.
We parted ways and as I took a breather, I soon bumped into Alex, the other guy I’d met earlier. He asked if I wanted to go to the playroom with him. Hesitant at first, he told me, ‘You’re at a sex party! If you want to come to the playroom with me, then come to the playroom with me.’ And off I went.
We had sex and he came inside me. With a condom, of course, as using protection is standard in these spaces, everyone is extremely careful.
Since my first Crossbreed events I’ve had a first date at fetish club Torture Garden with a polyamorous man (joined by his partner and hers) which turned into a threesome with a different couple. And I’ve even tried out an online Crossbreed night over Zoom in lockdown.
The Zoom party wasn’t for me – it’s a very difference experience wanking yourself off in front of a huge group of strangers – but I’m itching to get back to an IRL sex rave.
My body confidence has grown massively from going to these parties and seeing so many different body types. Whether you’re a size 18 or 8, have big boobs or small, everyone looks incredible. It has normalised being naked, and a bit more scantily clad, for me. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
I still haven’t told my mum – I usually tell her – and there’s no chance I’m letting it spread in office. For now, I’m happy it being my little secret.
*Names have been changed
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