Here comes the bride! Looking stunning in her off-the-rack Molly Goddard smock with chunky-soled Nodaleto Mary Janes… But also looking very much like a woman who is one antibacterial hand wipe away from annihilating anyone who dares ask about her honeymoon plans.
She’s had her hopes for this day dashed too many times to be swept away in the magic of the moment. Instead, there’s a steeliness in her eyes colder than the bespoke ice sculpture currently melting in a hangar just outside of Brussels because the Brexit import logistics form E2134 had been incorrectly filled out (best man, you had one job), rendering it null and void.
The corners of her mouth twitch into something like a smile when her husband-to-be turns, beaming, to face her. There was a moment last week when she googled: ‘How soon after marriage can you divorce?’ having found her favourite mug encrusted with the remnants of his lunchtime Huel, again.
Posi vibes only, she tells herself, approaching the altar where the celebrant – a pixelated image on a large TV screen – live streams their part of the service from the beach in Honolulu where they were supposed to be getting married…
Welcome to weddings in 2021. The past 15 months will have tested the soon-to-be-betrothed to a breaking point that would even have Oprah reaching for CBD drops.
The Law Commission (an independent body ensuring the law is as fair and modern as possible) has lobbied for change to archaic wedding regulations. Earlier this year, the Ministry of Justice said the pandemic had highlighted that the laws around where and how we can marry, some of which date back to the 19th century, were ‘ancient’ and ‘unnecessarily restrictive’ and should ‘better reflect modern society’.
Change is coming, but for those who have weathered planning hell – cancelled, rebooked and then cancelled venues again; invited, then uninvited guests; and downsized a sumptuous baroque extravaganza into a back garden shindig for their nearest and dearest – there is a unique camaraderie and depth of feeling that will prevail.
And the wedding, in whatever contorted, creatively reimagined shape it takes, will probably be one of the most heartfelt and fun the lucky guests will have ever attended. But there’s no doubt that we’ve had to adapt, so here’s what weddings look like now…
STRAIGHT OR GAY... MAKE IT GAYER
The multimillion-pound wedding industry has been shaken up like confetti in the wind, leaving us at an exciting impasse where heterosexual ceremonies will be afforded the same cultural freedom as gay weddings, which were only legally recognised in 2014.
Without any historical precedent, same-sex marriages have always been an opportunity to think about what makes sense for the couple, rather than appropriating traditions – such as the bride being ‘given away’ by her dad, a bizarre ritual that we perpetuate because ‘that’s what happens at a wedding’.
At my (gay) wedding, my cousin walked with me down the aisle and my wife’s brothers accompanied her; all the single men lined up to catch our bouquets, we had a best man and a best woman rather than bridesmaids, and we both made speeches. Most people there had never seen two women get married before so, while we introduced some traditional elements, we also had fun subverting the norm.
As did ELLE UK January 2021 cover stars Aweng and Alexus Ade-Chuol. When the model and entrepreneur married in New York last year, they ended their big day by getting matching tattoos, before grabbing pizza at Penn Station. At the wedding of art curator Gemma Rolls-Bentley and Danielle Wilde, back when same-sex marriage was made legal in 2014, the feminist choir Gaggle accompanied the brides down the aisle, along with their whole families. They wore dresses designed by artist collective Villa Design Group – who later stripped off and danced the night away at the afterparty.
Couples, gay and straight, will be bringing this spirit of nihilism to their ceremonies this year. It’s a big 2021 mood and one that will be hard to replicate once we have more Covid closure. Because, despite our best intentions, we will go back to a world of obnoxious over-the-topness. Weddings will never look this cool again.
PENIS STRAWS OUT, CLASSY PICNICS IN
Gone are the officiously organised hen dos demanding a £200 deposit, a week off work and the curdling awkwardness of mixing friend groups. Likewise, the rampant stags in Tallinn where mensches turn into monsters. Instead, the new pre-wedding partying involves intimate gatherings that are maybe hastily thrown together, definitely casual and more about connecting with each other than anything time, money or energy-draining.
What kind of brazen sociopath would dare suggest a week in Mallorca stalking Love Island rejects today? 'Hooray hedonism' has been replaced with a refinement cultivated during months of self-reflection while in lockdown. So expect invites to leisurely picnics, wine and bibliotherapy masterclasses, sea shanty recitals and escape rooms (which those who’ve experienced a two-week quarantine are more likely to admire the spacious interiors of than attempt to leave). Oh, and cancel the stripper – even though it’ll be his first job in months, 2021 hens are too clucking classy.
I DOS (AND DON’TS): THE NEW ETIQUETTE
Are canapés Covid catnip? Is it too soon for the best man to make pandemic jokes? Will adding £300 to the trestle table bill because of social distancing put us off sit-down meals entirely? And is it OK to ask for donations to a honeymoon fund when there’s recession on the horizon? It doesn’t take much to trigger the newlyweds who, despite making the best of their lowkey nuptials, are still grieving that beachside ceremony, and everyone knows it.
Couples will navigate all sorts of ‘unprecedented’ dilemmas when planning their 2021 wedding, so the least you can do is gracefully not ask if they’d considered postponing until 2022, if they’re upset that plans kept changing, or exactly why children weren’t invited again?
(HAND-SANITISED) GOOD VIBES
Don’t fear! After downing two pre-mixed gimlets from a glass with a personalised charm on the stem (ensuring no germy guest accidentally sips from her coupe – inconceivable that we once didn’t care about such things), the bride is relaxed and ready to party. Instead of a band, a single chanteuse is more than 2m away from the dancefloor. Not that viral transference should be an issue – the reception is outside and lateral flow tests were passed around like blinis on arrival.
Inevitably, the double-vaccinated over-70s are on it. Nan is swinging from the marquee poles. Uncle Alan is doing ‘big fish, little fish, cardboard box’ to soft funk and the groom’s parents are locked in an embrace, having procured a double magnum of Whispering Angel.
The newlyweds are just relieved they didn’t lose their caterers after changing the date for the 11th time. Sustainably foraged, locally produced, zero-carbon footprint vegan food is served on individual plates rather than ‘family style’, as was de rigueur pre-pandemic.
SAVING THE LAST DANCE
After so few opportunities to shake their thing, everyone has forgotten how to dance – many can only do the 15-second routine they perfected for TikTok. People aren’t snogging strangers and there’s a new respect for personal space. But as there’s 50 guests (down from 500), everyone has bonded like it’s band camp and un-self-conscious, good-time vibes waft through the private farmland (owned by the bride’s godparents and offered for free in return for a Clubhouse invite).
By 3am, the bride and groom are delirious, covered in mud and ready to stumble back to the luxury campervan they bought as a Tier Five treat. Theirs, like so many of this year’s weddings, has turned out better than the couple ever dared dream when it all seemed impossible in the depths of 2020. And, rejoice, because the past year has taught everyone to be more socially conscious, empathetic and discerning about what and when they post to social media, so the day was not defined by ‘Instagrammable moments’ but by actually enjoying every minute. Mazel tov!
From Miu Miu To Molly Goddard, 23 Modern Wedding Dresses For The Fashion Bride
This article appears in the June 2021 issue of ELLE UK.
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