It feels like forever and a literal day since Ariana Grande released the trailer for her Dangerous Woman Diaries YouTube docuseries (it was Tuesday) and now the first of four episodes has officially arrived (hi, it's Thursday). While there are many triumphant moments throughout the docuseries, Ariana was especially open about the horrific Manchester Bombing that caused her to halt her Dangerous Woman World Tour.
Last May, Ariana and her fans were the victims of a terrorist attack that resulted in 22 deaths and 500 injured people. In the months since, Ariana has been quite open about how it affected her, saying, 'But experiencing something like that firsthand, you think of everything differently...Everything is different.'
In the fourth episode of her YouTube show, Ariana shared a letter she wrote eight months after the attack, and it's incredibly heart-wrenching. She said the act of terrorism left her 'speechless and filled with questions for the rest of my life,' and that it 'seems impossible to fully recover from.'
Some of the episodes also include footage of Ariana breaking down and crying in Hong Kong, the last stop of her tour. At the time, she said, 'No one is allowed to look at me today. I'm not gonna be able to sing a goddamn note. I'm sad because it's been so many things to all of us.' She added, 'When things were bad and everyone was heartbroken and tired and sad, we wished it to go faster. And now that it's here, it's horrible.'
Her letter in full:
I'm writing to you this February 22, 2018.
It's been eight months since the attack at our show at the Manchester Arena. It's impossible to know where to start or to know what to say about this part. May 22, 2017, will leave me speechless and filled with questions for the rest of my life.
Music is an escape. Music is the safest thing I've ever known. Music—pop music, stan culture—is something that brings people together, introduces them to some of their best friends, and makes them feel like they can be themselves. It is comfort. It is fun. It is expression. It is happiness. It is the last thing that would ever harm someone. It is safe.
When something so opposite and so poisonous takes place in your world that is supposed to be everything but that…it is shocking and heartbreaking in a way that seems impossible to fully recover from.
The spirit of the people of Manchester, the families affected by this horrendous tragedy, and my fans around the world have permanently impacted all of us for the rest of our lives. Their love, strength, and unity showed me, my team, my dancers, band, and entire crew not to be defeated. To continue during the scariest and saddest of times. To not let hate win. But instead, love as loudly as possible, and to appreciate every moment.
The people of Manchester were able to change an event that portrayed the worst of humanity into one that portrayed the most beautiful of humanity. 'Like a handprint on my heart'…I think of Manchester constantly and will carry this with me every day for the rest of my life.
Ariana's series premiered today on YouTube and will include four parts that will be released each week or can be streamed all at once if you have YouTube's Premium service.
Shannon is a news writer at Cosmopolitan.com, and when she's not obsessing about Cardi B, she's thinking about Justin Bieber and still trying to memorize Beyoncé's Beychella choreography.
