Before I had my first baby, a friend heeded me a conspiratorial, comically-Sex and the City-style warning. ‘I knew this girl once,’ she whispered, ‘a super stylish photographer. I went over to her house after her baby was born, and there she was in a horrible grey tracksuit.’
I blinked back at her.
Another thing to add to the list of worries: don’t tear your perineum, don’t squish the baby, don’t wear a grey tracksuit. ‘I can’t really imagine that being you, though,’ she offered cheerily. I nodded along, trying to mollify my own fears, as I quietly trembled in my Moon Boots.
After my first birth, I left the hospital in a ruffled Liberty-print dress and pink sneakers. When I popped out my second at home, I slipped (well, hobbled) into a crisp Oxford shirt and a pair of pinstriped poplin pants–a very Comme des Garçons look, right down to the mesh underwear poking out of the waistband. I entered this new phase of my life with strict determination that I would not let becoming a mum change who I was: a woman who loves clothing. And I can happily report that it did not.
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Harling Ross, writer, editor, and new mum to a baby boy agrees. ‘I know that for some women, motherhood makes them reevaluate how they want to dress and why. For me it's weirdly been the opposite,’ she tells me. ‘The through-line of my personal style has felt like a source of much-needed constancy amidst a time of immense change, and I have an even deeper appreciation for the well-worn grooves of the outfits and items that make me feel most like myself.’
However, as much as it pains me to admit this, there are certain practicalities to spending time with children that don’t always work with a wardrobe full of runway pieces. (Cue me struggling to crawl through the Trolls Live! experience with a tiny Gucci bag on my arm in an effort to prove that I’d sacrifice my weekend to my toddler’s tastes but not my accessories). Hannah Weiland, designer of the perennially cool Shrimps and mother of two, has a creative solution to this dilemma. ‘I have a sort of uniform when I am with my kids,’ she says. ‘I tend to wear a Shrimps jersey, a Shrimps cardigan–great for breastfeeding–and baggy, ripped jeans. What is nice about this is that I still feel true to myself, even if I am prioritising comfort. I call it my posh tracksuit.’
Daisy Murray, Shopping Editor at ELLE UK and mum to one with another on the way, tells me: ‘I was 100% a dress girl for years before having my daughter, Bloom, and I seriously never wore trousers or jeans. Since I breastfed her for two years and will likely do similar for my next I've had an almost complete overhaul of my wardrobe. It's now is full of separates like secondhand Levi's 501s, vintage breton tops and cotton boxer-style shorts.’
Even the most dedicated dress devotees like Daisy Hoppen, founder of DH-PR (and much of the reason that we all love the flouncy, beribboned work of designers like Molly Goddard and Simone Rocha right now), admit to answering the siren call of jeans from time to time. ‘I find my work style is how it used to be pre-baby, and I am really enjoying rediscovering all my clothes again,’ Hoppen says. ‘Then when I am home with my baby on weekends I tend to dress in more comfortable jeans, Tekla shirts and soft jumpers that she will enjoy resting on.’
In an analysis of my post-kids wardrobe, I found a hefty collection of vintage denim had sprouted where once just one modest pair of jeans lay. Denim is undoubtedly a valiant contender against the dirt and debris of the playground, but I have a sneaking suspicion that its appeal to all new mothers has a deeper implication – see, it wasn’t just jeans that suddenly populated my closet; it was baggy wool suiting and slouchy cotton pyjama pants too. I’ve realised that all my frilly, lacy tops from my pre-pregnancy days actually look better with trousers than they do with my old mini skirts. I’ll chalk it up to a mother’s wisdom.
To trot out another corny trope of motherhood, let me say here that children are our greatest teachers – at least when it comes to getting dressed.
When my toddler took a liking to race cars, I used it as an excuse to purchase a vintage Prada top printed with convertibles. I loved the striped cotton trousers that she wears under her dresses so much, I spent months sourcing a grown-up sized pair for myself.
And I’m not alone in borrowing outfit ideas from babies. Weiland admits: ‘Since having a daughter in November, I am definitely inspired by her clothes, especially the hand-me-down pieces that my mum kept from my childhood. I have always loved print but seeing the sweet printed vintage pieces on her definitely impacts what I want to wear too, which is even more print.’ Murray agrees, adding that the new addition of camouflage, stripes, and patchwork to her wardrobe feels ‘much more joyful’ than her pre-baby staples.
Much like the fable of the mum who gives it all up for a grey tracksuit, the notion of an immutable sense of style that resists the seismic shift of becoming a mother is a falsehood. I’ve begun to realise that my personal style is just that – personal. Sometimes it exists to guide me back to myself: sometimes it has to change as I do. I’ll tell my kids that someday too.
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